The Kafka Questionnaire

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What are you allowed to eat on the Arnold Schwarzenegger Diet?

Anything that appears on the Periodic Table of the Elements.

Now that we have Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, what's the next movie title with a product placement?

Bill and Ted Get the Personal Attention of a Morgan Stanley Banker.

What's the next thing that really needs to be microwaveable?

Aluminum foil.

What kind of foods would be in an HDTV dinner?

High-definition Salisbury steak with LED mashed potatoes and surround pound cake.

What product are you waiting to see on a 30-minute infomercial?

KY Warming Gel. I would truly like an explanation.

If you decided to kill all the Keebler Elves, how would you do it?

I would put Keebler Elf Motels all around my TV set.

Do you know anybody who actually watches all the commercials?

My mother.

Abu Ghraib girl Lynndie England: what's her first product endorsement?

Fruit of the Loom headgear.

What will New York's Mayor Bloomberg ban next?


How do you tell the Olsen twins apart?

Mary-Kate's the one who text-messages you for blow.

Can you come up with a worse name than Apple for Gwyneth Paltrow's kid?


What's the perfect piece of classic rock to pillage for a Trojans commercial?

"Break On Through," by the Doors.

What will Britney Spears be doing in 10 years?

Slim-Fast ads.

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