The Kafka Questionnaire

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After Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, what's the next movie title with a product placement?

Harold and Kumar Go To CVS For Tums. (Two product placements!)

What are you allowed to eat on the Arnold Schwarzenegger diet?

Only liberals for the first two weeks, then add one girlie man a week.

What will Britney Spears be doing in 10 years?

I'll answer that as soon as I figure out what she's been doing the past 10 years.

Who's hotter and why: the Kerry Kuties or the Bush Babes?

The Bush Babes, because they live in Texas. (Oh, not that kind of hot?)

What do you get if you cross Jay Leno and John Kerry?

A really big chin.

How is a container of Pringles like the human

condition?

Life revolves around the can.

What's the nastiest thing you ever said to a client?

"This spot's great."

Has shampoo ever given you an orgasm?

Nothing with poo in it has ever given me an orgasm.

Why does every radio ad end with 20 seconds of speed-blabbered fine print?

So my partner Joe Barone can get work.

You're pitching the Hanes Edible Panties account. What's your tagline?

"Fries with that?"

What product are you waiting to see on a 30-minute infomercial?

How to Make a 15-Minute Infomercial.

If you decided to kill all the Keebler Elves, how would you do it?

Have the Michelin Man sit on them.

What kind of guy buys a Hummer?

This is a family publication, right? I can't answer that.

What should McDonald's slogan really be?

"I'm shovelin' it."

Does Coca-Cola ever make you smile?

Only if I pour it down my pants.

Is the Pillsbury Doughboy really a boy?

Why don't you poke him and find out

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