the kafka questionnaire

Published on .

Does Bill Gates carry a wallet?

Yes, but it's digital.

What's the great undiscovered ice cream flavor?

Bacon.

Why isn't there more nudity on C-Span?

Because it wouldn't be as funny as it is now.

What's the single most important way the late Bob Denver of Gilligan's Island changed your life?

He profoundly influenced my understanding of the military-industrial complex and modern imperialism.

Who will Russell Crowe hit next and with what object?

Gene Shalit; a comb.

What does that BK King guy look like under his mask?

What mask?

Frank Perdue died last year; how did chickens take the tragic news?

Traditionally, chickens celebrate with tambourines, and I see no reason why this would've been any different.

What's the worst package design of all time?

The milk carton. The torn-up spout thing gives me nightmares.

What's your dream job?

I'd like to drive a cloud in a race.

Now that he's in captivity, what is Saddam Hussein's favorite TV show?

The Gilmore Girls.

Is the Pillsbury Doughboy really a boy?

Ask Michael Jackson.

What can be done to reverse the steep decline of the Miss America Pageant?

Open it up to cartoons.

If the Arby's Oven Mitt married Drew Barrymore, how long would it last?

Forever, I hope. They'd actually make a lovely couple.

What do you suspect Woody Allen is endorsing in Japan?

Adoption services.

What exactly is the matter with Tom Cruise and how much does it disturb you?

He's a marionette and I don't care.

What's the next pointless device you need on your cellphone?

A deep fryer.

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