That reminds me, I need to change my diaper.
What needs to be microwaveable?
What's the title and plot of the next hit reality TV show?
Orphan Island. Orphans are sent to live with a family; each week an orphan is voted back to the orphanage. The winning orphan gets the family. And a dog.
How is a container of Pringles like the human condition?
I'm not sure it is. Nobody ever got pregnant after they popped a can of Pringles.
What's the nastiest thing you ever said to a client?
I usually just sit there in silence and polish my Bill Bernbach pendant.
Who would you like to see in the next Fox Celebrity Boxing special?
Muhammad Ali vs. Christopher Reeve.
What's next for the Coors Twins?
Governor of California.
Should Michael Jordan be cloned?
So he can retire eight times?
Should fat kids be allowed to sue their parents?
Parents should be able to sue their fat kids. Happy Meals don't grow on trees, ya know.
How would you kill all the Keebler Elves?
Send them to Iraq.
What's the female equivalent of Mountain Dew?
What is Wendy's Dave Thomas doing in heaven?
Playing hide the salami with the "Where's the Beef?" lady.
Is the internet everything you were hoping it would be?
It's much shorter in person.
If Spike Lee had his own TV show, what would it be called?
Malcolm X in the Middle.
Is there anything Tiger Woods can't sell?
The Siegfried & Roy Show.
After KFC, what's Jason Alexander's next fat-guy endorsement deal?
Any "Before" guy.