The Kafka Questionnaire

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Why do so many Brits work in the States?

Simple. We have shite weather, shite food and shite sports programs (apart from soccer).

What's the next thing that needs to be microwaveable?

American presidents.

What kind of foods would be in an HDTV dinner?

Lots of little things that you've really got to look at hard to see what they are; hippie rice.

How is a container of Pringles like the human condition?

Much the same as osteoporosis-once you pop you can't stop!

Besides Janet's right breast, what could they do to liven up the Super Bowl halftime show?

What's the Super Bowl?

What's the nastiest thing you ever said to a client?


Who would you like to see in the next Fox Celebrity Boxing special?

George Bush and Saddam Hussein.

What's your dream job?

Looking after Hugh Hefner's "interests."

Why does every radio ad end with 20 seconds of speed-blabbered fine print?

I think it's a product of this country's sad need to sue anyone for anything.

What product are you waiting to see on a 30-minute infomercial?

A machine that firms my buns and tells me all about Jesus at the same time.

Should fat kids be allowed to sue their parents?

Either that or just eat them with a nice glass of Chianti.

What would you wear while working with Betty Crocker Supermoist German Cake Mix?

Betty Crocker Supermoist German Cake Mix.

What should McDonald's slogan really be?

"Eat, Drink and Wobble."

What would your stage name be if you were a professional wrestler?

Yorkshire Pudding.

What's the Bush 2004 campaign slogan?

"Getting serious about politics in 2004."

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