The Kafka Questionnaire

Published on .

Griffin Stenger

Farmer/Director

The Concept Farm, N.Y.

"Yeah, we've got the good stuff." Whose tagline?

Pfizer.

What's the title and plot of the next hit reality TV show?

Get a Life! A cast of ad people who are made to leave their offices at 6 p.m. every day.

What's the next magazine to have a youth-market spinoff and what will the title be?

The Economist, Yo!

Would you stand on line for eight hours to see a George Lucas movie?

Uh, yeah, just as soon as my Jedi robes are ready.

How is a container of Pringles like the human condition?

High in chemicals, low on substance, surrounded by cheesy ads.

What could they do to further liven up the Super Bowl halftime show?

If it gets any more exciting, people may spontaneously combust.

What's the nastiest thing you ever said to a client?

"That's a great idea!"

Who would you like to see in the next Fox Celebrity Boxing special?

Roy Jones Jr. vs. George Bush Jr.

You're pitching the Hanes Edible Undies account: What's your tagline?

"Mmmm. Cottony."

What's the most preposterous rock tour corporate sponsor and what's the name of the tour?

"The Ensure Boogie!"

What's next for the Coors Twins?

A TV show where they play wacky ad creatives pitching the Hanes Edible Undies account.

If Tony Hawk's Boom Boom Huck Jam were a sandwich spread, what would it taste like?

Brie mixed with cilantro and garlic.

What would you wear while working with Betty Crocker Supermoist German Cake Mix?

A strap-on whisk.

If you decided to kill all the Keebler Elves, how would you do it?

Put 'em in an award-winning campaign.

Now that there's an R&B star named Nivea, who's the next singer named after a product and what's the title of the first hit?

Mobil 1, "I'm Viscous, Baby."

What's the next Xtreme sport?

Segway Half-Pipe.

What will the next Queer Eye spinoff?

Bronx Eye For The Amish Guy

What's the Bush 2004 campaign slogan?

"Vote for Bush in 2000."

Where is John Ashcroft's gall bladder now?

It'll be the secret ingredient on an Iron Chef.

What the next thing to be merchandised from The Passion of the Christ?

Crucifixionary: The Board Game.

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