The Kafka Questionnaire

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Has Casual Friday become too casual?

Call me old fashioned, but I still expect a phone call on Saturday.

What's the next thing that needs to be microwaveable?

Toaster ovens.

What's the name of the next hit reality TV show?

Beauty and the Priest.

What's the next magazine to have a youth-

market spinoff?

Time Whatevz.

What else could they do to liven up the Super Bowl halftime show?

Hibachi chefs.

What's the worst package design of all time?

The male genitalia.

What's the nastiest thing you ever said to a client?

"Consolidate your requests."

You're pitching the Hanes Edible Panties account: What's your tagline?

"Everything but the box!"

What's the most preposterous corporately

sponsored rock tour?

"GlaxoSmithKlein presents the Strokes."

What product are you waiting to see on a

30-minute infomercial?

The inflatable wristwatch.

What's the next Xtreme sport?

Full-contact wine tasting

Now that we have Meow TV, what's the next pet to get its own channel and what will it be called?

Llamas Telemundo.

What kind of guy buys a Hummer?

A sex tourist.

What should McDonald's slogan really be?

"What's so great about growing old?"

Where would you like to go on a weekend

getaway with Mel Gibson's father?

Auschwitz. Or a screening of Signs.

What's the tagline for Uncle Ben's Condoleezza Rice?

"Sticks to the story, not to the pan!"

After the low-carb craze, what's the next idiotic beer trend?

Nose-drinking.

What will New York's Mayor Bloomberg ban next?

Spooning.

Where does Dick Cheney really spend most of his time?

At Starbucks, writing shitty poetry.

Now that he's in captivity, what is Saddam Hussein's favorite TV show?

This Old House.

What's the next trend in guerrilla advertising?

Branding undetonated landmines on the Laos/Cambodia border.

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