Vanish NapiSan, apparently "known as the best stain remover in Australia," is aiming for the White House because it's "the most high-profile white building in the world and a logical choice." Choosing a building to raise awareness for fabric cleaning products defies the term "logic," but it's as good a way as any to gain some free publicity in the U.S. [Editor's note: See how we resisted the urge to make a decade-old blue-dress joke?]
The company admits that the idea of sponsoring the White House "may seem outrageous." You don't say? To prove this is serious -- and not, you know, a stunt engineered knowing full well it will never have to spend one cent of the $25 million -- the company is working with Grayling, a D.C.-based public policy management and communications firm. Even if a) this is constitutional and b) the Obama Administration would stoop to such a level, we can only imagine how the Republicans would react.
In a further attempt to make this seem legitimate, Vanish NapiSan is calling attention to the building's involvement in a previous campaign. In 2008, the White House was illuminated pink in support of breast cancer awareness -- because raising awareness for charities trying to cure a deadly disease is just like taking money to promote a fabric cleaner that promises to make your whites whiter.
Aiming for maximum eyeballs and public chatter, the company extended its $5 million-a-year offer with a smug reference to the state of the U.S. economy. In a letter written to members of Congress (displayed on Vanish NapiSan's Facebook page), the marketing team writes, "From watching the satellite news, we're pretty confident Washington could do with the extra cash right now."
Of course, this offering would barely make a dent in the country's multi-trillion dollar debt. And besides, we're pretty sure the Chinese already own the White House.