You never did trust Burger King's King, did you? Now you know why: He's actually a Klingon. Or part Klingon. Or a Kingon. Whatever the case, he's here to attack you with the "excruciating pain and public humiliation" of the Neon Nurple -- or other painful pranks such as the Dozarian Flat Tire and the Gameran Arm Burn.
And Burger King is here to help. This silliness is all part of a the Kingon Defense Academy, part of a Crispin, Porter & Bogusky-created tie-in with the new "Star Trek" movie. It's all rather amusing. But not nearly as amusing as trying to figure out who's going to be more outraged about this effort: Trekkies upset that the purity of the Klingons has been tarnished or activist groups ticked off that BK's site is making light of some the playground bully's most ruthless tactics and possibly encouraging them (like the Warp Five Wedgie). Come on, Crispin and BK, can't you think of the children? THE CHILDREN!?! (Or at least the Trekkies? They've been through enough.)