Kimberly-Clark Introduces Commie Toilet-Paper Dispenser

You'll Take What It Gives You ... and Like It!

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Ever felt jealous of those former Soviet citizens who had their toilet paper rationed? Well, you're in luck! Kimberly-Clark has invented a dispenser that gives you only five sheets.

"A year in the works, the electronic tissue dispenser is being rolled out to the masses by Kimberly-Clark Professional as it seeks to capture more of the $1 billion away-from-home toilet paper market. The company believes most people will be satisfied with five sheets -- and use 20 percent less toilet paper."

Yes, yes. There's nothing to stop a stall-dweller from waving his or her hand and getting another five sheets. But I still don't like K-C's attitude here.

"Most people will take the amount given," says K-C's Richard Thorne, who also told the AP that, "People generally in life will take what you give them."

Why, thank you comrade!