What the Hell is Going On Here?

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The prize: A free bag of crisps. The ad: This bulldog in drag for a hip British clothier called Ben_Sherman. The verdict: Besides the usual U.K. dentistry disses, which we kissed off, a veritable Boston flea party, with attacks on the Royal Family, Churchill, and - blimey! - British masculinity.

If you squint, he kinda looks like the Queen Mum.

David Newton

davidn@clinedavis.com

Who needs to squint?

Ernest Borgnine in drag is supposed to sell British shirts? Oh, wait. Maybe that's Winston Churchill. Now I get it.

Steve Broderson

sbroderson@cornettadv.com

Wrong on both counts, Steve. It's J. Edgar Hoover. Winston Churchill starred in McHale's Navy, where he uttered that famous line about "rum, sodomy and the lash." Ernest Borgnine is best known as the grandfather of that hottie in the bodysuit from Star Trek Voyager.

"Cut from a different cloth" means Ben Sherman shirts are created from only the finest dog pelts. Like Charlie the Tuna, this critter is hoping to present himself as worthy of Mr. Sherman's impeccable quality standards.

Vince Verdooren, vverdooren@aol.com

Hence the expression, "Put on the dog"? Seriously Vince, we must confess we once wore a pair of Ben Sherman mastiff fur pants in Hyde Park, and our butt was so vigorously sniffed by a horde of filthy mongrels we needed a whole tube of Preparation. That's what they call it over there, they drop their H's.

I can't decide who I should pity more. The poor saps who made this ad, or you guys for having to field all those letters of complaint from PETA members appalled at the sight of a dog with false eyelashes.

Juliana Ferrer, mogreat@yahoo.com

We've received not a single complaint from PETA. Not even a gripe from a guy named Peter. All across the English countryside, they're heating their tea kettles on bonfires of sheep. You expect PETA to worry about one woof-woof with Dame Edna syndrome?

That's no bulldog. That's Tammy Faye Barker!

Craig Morgan, craig.morgan@sagemarcom.com

We need a bottle of rum before we can look at her lashes, and it's still more painful than sodomy.

The Bulldog with earrings is a symbol of anything what was on mind (ears) of a person who created this ad. I don't think a free bag of crisps is enough to make someone look for it.

Andris Akmentins, akm@batesadm.lv

Well! Our first entry from Latvia and the friggin' prize isn't good enough for him! Andris, here's hoping the Soviet Union gets back together and sucks your ungrateful little land back into its big commie maw!

The bulldog is obviously a testimonial to all British men: Unattractive, no matter how well adorned, and most likely neutered.

Lori Myhr, lmyhr@lortzdirect.com

Whoa, you're a wicked bird, Lori. All those Nigels, Trevors, and Simons must be smarting something fierce right now. You're right, of course, but they're just gonna say you're bitter `cause they call you a truck over there.

The reincarnated Liberace is making his comeback. Until

he can figure out how to play the piano, he'll have to settle for a modeling career.

Braden Bickle, bradenbickle@home.com

You see a candelabrum in this ad? Like, duh?

Shall I compare thee to a bulldog's mug?/Thy lashes are more curly and robust/Thy snout's not pushed up like a roguish pug/Thy lips, though not black, have less slobby crust/And though earrings from thy lobes do dangle/And in ads, thine eyes doth glanceth above/Thy face sings beauty, from every angle/And I doth commit my undying love/But alas, you spring from a lowly ad/Across from yonder field of black you lie/Victim of a concept intensely bad/Whose strange idea we need to clarify/I glance in love at thine lips lined with froth/In an ad "cut from a different cloth."

Andrew Badalamenti, abadalamenti@corpcomm.com

Andy, go to your boss right now and announce you're taking the rest of the month off. If you get any lip, just explain you won the What the Hell Contest with the first-ever sonnet entry - and it even rhymes! But you can't have a bag of crisps. We don't even know what the hell a bag of crisps is. We're still trying to figure out where the freakin' chips went that were supposed to come with the fish. So we're sending you Quentin Crisp in a bag.

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