The Kafka Questionnaire

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How many awards are displayed on your mantelpiece?

Not enough. My wife keeps putting those stupid family photos up there.

Anna Kournikova and the Williams sisters are reputed to be virgins. Does this give you any marketing ideas?

Head racquets.

Decrepit has-been rocker Alice Cooper is making commercials. What should he_endorse?

Maybelline.

There was a time when milk did a body good. What does a body good now?

Anna Kournikova and the Williams Sisters.

Whatever happened to Morris the Cat?

Fell upon hard times when the residuals dried up. Last seen staggering into a kitchen in New York's Chinatown in 1982.

What jingle would you like played at your funeral?

"Plop, plop, fizz,fizz ..."

What's the perfect tagline for your headstone?

"Just did it."

Do you have the courage to disagree with Joe Pytka?

Yes, but only after his 2:30 pedicure.

Captain Morgan: Gay or straight?

Don't ask. Don't tell.

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