This Shredded Wheat ad is so opaque you could safely watch a solar eclipse through it. The hot bikini babe is "8% substantial"; the Shredded Wheat is "100% substantial." Uh, right. Does the copy hold a clue? "Made from 100% whole grain wheat and satisfying enough to help cover your hunger `til lunch. Post original Shredded Wheat. 100% good." Nope. How about the tag? "Breakfast made right." Nada. We're baffled. Serve us a bowl of enlightenment at firstname.lastname@example.org. Contest not open to anyone with advanced degrees in home ec and math!