The Kafka Questionnaire

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If you left advertising, what would be your dream job?

Run a meth lab.

Who would play you in the movie of your life? What would it be called?

Sherman Hemsley in Black Inches.

If you had a Mafia-style nickname that related to your job, what would it be?


If Halle Berry was a Ben & Jerry's flavor, what would it taste like?

Flesh and bones.

Is Dodge really different?

Absolutely. Totally. Sort of. No.

What's your opinion of the Saturn "third door" controversy?

It's different.

What brand of toilet paper do you use?

Quilted Northern triple ply.

Is it acceptable in the workplace to have your underwear peeking out from under your pants?

Only if you use Quilted Northern triple ply.

Why do you think sock puppets are so popular in marketing?

Penis envy.

Would you rather work on a cigarette campaign or an anti-tobacco campaign?

Mostly, I'd like to work on Nike. While smoking.

If you could appear on the cover of any magazine, what would it be? What would the coverline be?

Magazine: Black Inches. Coverline: "Sherman Hemsley Uncovered."

What's the most embarrassing Website you've visited at work?

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