The Kafka Questionnaire

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What's going to be the next big spokesanimal for the millennium?

I predict a revamp of existing characters. More eco-minded. Maybe endangered. Snuggle the Fabric Softener Pronghorn. The Budweiser Humpbacks.

What's one product that you'd never advertise, and why?

Soap or deodorant. I could never advertise a product I didn't believe in.

What product would you like to advertise?

Estrogen.

Would you rather be stuck on a desert island with Mr. Clean or Mr. Whipple, and why?

Whipple by a mile. If I'm expected to live a satisfying life with just one other person, he'd better be proficient in the fingering department.

Write Bill Bradley's campaign slogan.

The black guy from Sixty Minutes is running for president?

How about George W. Bush?

He's running again?

You've certainly heard of Al Gore.

All right, enough with the American politics already! Where are all the luge questions you promised?

Who's the next Milk Mustache shill, and what does he say?

The Elephant Man. Something about the abundance of calcium.

What ad slogan best describes you?

Billions served.

So, do you guys really just chase moose, play hockey and drink Molson all day?

You know, this notion that Canada is a snowed in, back-woods lumberjack society is really a terrible misconception. This country happens to be world renowned for its contributions to space aeronautics, it's a major exporter of top-grade comedic talent and a respected world leader in the development of nuclear energy. Not to mention it's the only place in the world where four medium-sized beaver pelts will still get you 10 liters of whale oil.

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