"Take your best shot," over a picture of a babe with a chunk of lime wedged between her implants. OK. So we're supposed to -- what? As if that weren't dubious enough, the tequila goes by the twisted name of Cabo Wabo. We went to www.redrocker.com, as the ad suggests, to see if that would be any help. It's the "official" Sammy Hagar Website, where we're informed that Sammy himself "created" the tequila. Now we're even more confused. Drive over 55 at creativitymag@sprintmail.com. Contest not open to David Lee Roth groupies!

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The prize: A solid-porcelain replica of Paul Bunyan's urinal. The ad: This sodden vision for Toto toilets. The verdict: Bloated arena rock, a very yellow brick road and a bowlful of the worst toilet humor since the last time we read a door on a Port Authority men's room stall. You people are the best.

The Toto toilet is equipped with TMTV: Toto Music Toilet Vision. Throw out that eight-track. Now you can get all your Toto favorites at the flush of a handle. "All I wanna do when I wake up in the morning is see your floating eyes, Rosanna, Rosanna."

B. Jordan -- bjordan@westwayne.com

Toto Toilet Vision is also getting a special on VH-1: The Music Behind.

The most intriguing thing is the testing process. How does one become a toilet tester, and what are the qualifications? Can you test drive it in the showroom?

John Patterson -- jpatterson@cjnetworks.com

You're trying to get us to make a skid marks joke, aren't you, John? You think we'd fall for such a tasteless ploy? Grow up!

I had two thoughts as I sat contemplating this ad. One, how ironic. Two, any good pot needs good paper.

Dallas Moses -- dalmos@icon-stl.net

Dallas Moses? The guy who saw the Burning Tumbleweed? We're honored that you're playing, dude, but that line you used is the registered Zig-Zag slogan, and they're suing you.

Do you have any idea where Toto toilets are "designed and tested"? I may have a line on testers. I work with a number of people who are full of shit.

P.J. Pearl -- provadv@gte.net

P.J., now that we ran your entry, make that you used to work with a number of people who are full of shit.

A flush so powerful, it'll take all you can give it, and your little dog, too!

Chuck Matzker -- chuck.matzker@fallon.com

"Yo quiero agua frijo." This is how they got rid of the Chihuahua.

This is an ad for the off-off-Broadway revival of The Wiz, where Dorothy says, "I think we must be in Cansas . . ."

Charley Brough -- cbrough@meridiancomm.com

Charley, you can't get away with a joke this bad. Hand in your men's room key immediately. Wear a Depends, we don't care.

No one in New York has much room, so it's a good idea to have a toilet you can swim in.

Rebecca Mirkin -- rebecca@think-site.com

Damn right, Rebecca. And we're fed up with the YMCA anyway, everyone's always peeing in the pool.

Toto, we're not in KaKa anymore.

Einar Gunnar Einarsson -- einarg@tuckerpartnership.com

Well, Charley, someone made a joke as bad as yours, maybe worse. But he's from Iceland, so he has an excuse. You can't have your key back.

The only thing more disgusting than this ad's sophomoric copy is the realization that the "creative" team probably lives in bigger houses than you.

Chris Andruss -- candruss@ambrosi.com

And they all have gratis deluxe Toto crappers in every bathroom in their manses, while we're sitting on a starter-size American Standard with a chipped seat in the one lousy john in our four-room Cape Cod! Thanks for ruining our day, Chris.

They only sold enough albums to invest in a toilet company?

Jessica Hagy -- jhagy@mail.resource.com

We're afraid so, Jessica. And Journey owns the company that does Toto's plumbing. And the sewage flows into the Styx. All right, since we're not a Foreigner, we'll hand in our key. God, Depends are so embarrassing. Do they make Huggies with a 36 waist?

My mother used to say, "My tonsils are singing anchors aweigh," when nature was calling to her loudly.

Lori Jo Vest -- lorivest@aol.com

Lori Jo, we're sorry to have to break this to you, but that was bulimia.

There's no place like throne. There's no place like throne. There's no place like throne.

Jason Jordan -- jason@littlefieldinc.com

Jason, go to the class of the head. You can't have the Paul Bunyan urinal, though, and we're not giving it to a homeless guy, they can pee anywhere. We're keeping it ourselves. We can't get into the men's room anymore, man.

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