Ready for Antibiotic Coffee With Marshmallows and Spelt?

Stuck for an Idea? Try the Skenazy New-ish Product Generator!

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Every once in a while, someone comes up with a truly great new product. The Pop-Tart. The Prius. Veggie Booty ("Now in regular or salmonella-free!").
Veggie Booty
Veggie Booty

But what if that someone isn't you? What if you've got to come up with a great new something-or-other, and all you can think of is a phone that sort of looks like a TV -- and you worry it's already been done? What then?

My friends, that is when you whip out your Skenazy New-ish Product Generator.

Just mix and match from columns A and B, or go whole hog and string together A, B, B+ and C. (Or go really wild and try C, B, A!)

Pretty soon you'll be unstoppable at those brainstorming meetings. Hey, boss! How about Soft-Baked Froot Loops? Green-Tea Oreos! Shade-Grown Coke for Men, With a Hint of Mint (oh, wait -- that's already in test market).

No need for slavish thanks, readers. Just send me a couple of free samples.

Column A
Column B
Antibiotic;
Probiotic;
Proud-independent-biotic;
Shade-grown;
Painfully crunchy;
Whole-grain; Free-range;
Slow-churned;
Home-schooled;
Lactose-extremely intolerant;
Al Gore, Laurie David and Arianna Huffington-approved;
Garden-harvest; Fire-roasted;
Fire-burnt-to-a-crisp;
Yogurt-covered;
Tension-busting;
Grain-fed; Hormone-free;
Cavity-fighting;
Cucumber-melon; Soft-baked;
No-rinse;
Dulce de leche;
Super-chunky-to-the-
point-of-being-almost-solid;
Green-tea; White-tea;
Greenish-whitish tea;
Quintuple-cream; Lite;
Never-even-met-a-trans-fat;
Rainforest;
Cinnamon-honey;
Rachael Ray
Crumb cake;
Coke;
Coffee;
Crest;
Fruit Loops;
Tums;
Diet Pepsi;
Dryer sheets;
Softsoap;
Aquafina;
Häagen-Dazs;
Oreos;
Spaghetti-O's;
Cheerios;
Yoplait;
Butter substitute;
Applesauce;
Hot Pockets;
Ranch dressing;
Baby wipes;
Turkey dogs;
Protein bars;
Doritos;
Espresso beans;
Tide
B + (Optional)
For men!
Column C
(Now with ...)
A splash of juice;
A hint o' mint;
A gram of ham;
Citrus-lime-lavender-yoga-mat freshness;
Pomegranate molasses;
Teeth-whitening agents;
Teeth-replacing agents (NEW!);
Grapefruit extract;
Ginseng swirls;
Portobello mushrooms;
Breath-reviving micro-beads;
Skin-softening moisture spores;
Subatomic Parmesan particles;
Quick-acting vodka;
Marshmallows and spelt;
Garlic 'n' guarana;
Yet more honey and cinnamon;
Twice the Dijon;
87% pure cacao;
Antioxidant crunchies;
Free Harry Potter invisibility cloak (trust us -- it's in there);
Extra fiber;
Rachael Ray's actual DNA;
Or (when all else fails): Lime.
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