TABLOID REPORT: JEN SAYS TOLD YOU SO

What Everyone Is Talking About Today

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NEW YORK (AdAge.com) - A Star headline reads: “Jen says I told you so.” You probably don’t need three guesses to determine which Jen the headline quotes and what news might be making her gloat. The Jen in question is, of course, America’s favorite woman wronged, Jennifer Aniston. Her “comment” is in response to Star’s exclusive story, “Angie walks out on Brad.”

According to Star, a pregnant Angelina stormed out of the couple’s rented Paris apartment after an argument with Brad. Apparently, Angelina refuses to set a date for the wedding and is annoyed with Brad’s constant worry about her pregnancy. Angelina returned to the apartment after she cooled off but refused to discuss the matter, according to the “source” who explained “they never can discuss things rationally or calmly.” Ah yes, thank goodness for “sources” and their inside knowledge. Star further offers speculation that haggard Brad, who was recently photographed with cuts on his forehead, may be victim of Angelina’s passionate anger. A photo caption reads: “The eye boo-boo and swollen lip are consistent with left-handed punches. Angelina’s a south-paw ... but she wouldn’t, would she?” Sure, it’s a leap, but given that the tabloids seem to be written by wishful teenage girls, we’re not surprised.

But before we cry over possibly-abused-dad-to-be Brad and the demise of the Brangelina franchise, In Touch reveals the couple’s wedding secrets. According to the celebrity publication, there are three possible locations for the wedding: Paris, the Italian Riviera and the beach in L.A. The mag makes no mention of a possible breakup. Instead, i>In Touchspeculates that the wedding has been put on hold due to the illness of Angelina’s mother, Marcheline, who is struggling with uterine cancer. An insider is quoted as saying “Angelina doesn’t want to marry Brad until Marcheline feels well enough to be by her side.”

Never one to be left out of the Brangelina talk, Us Weekly takes readers inside the supercouple’s Malibu home. The ocean-side mansion has been child-proofed for the safety of the Jolie-Pitt brood and has an enormous bathtub and outdoor fireplace. The pix of the luxury home make some strides in quelling the rumors of the couple’s impending separation. Of course they are going to stay together ... for the beach house.

In other supercouple news, Star claims Jessica and Nick might be getting back together. Apparently, Jessica called Nick’s cellphone asking him to pass along congratulations to his brother Drew about his new baby. Could reconciliation be far away? An insider is quoted as saying: “Jessica has been telling friends that maybe she was too hasty ending her marriage.” In addition, “sources” say Nick also has been having second thoughts about the divorce and has been having trouble moving on. “Every woman he meets, Nick winds up stacking up against Jessica,” said an insider.

But US Weekly won’t predict a Jessica and Nick reunion any time soon. The magazine profiled Jessica’s “hot spring fling” with comedian Dane Cook. In Touch also makes no mention of a happy ending for the "Newlyweds" stars, instead highlighting Ms. Simpson’s plans to adopt a child and be a single parent.

Also featured in the tabloids this week is Britney Spears’ scruffy hubby K-Fed. In shocking news, headlines in large type in Star and In Touch announce “Kevin Gets a Job.” Kevin Federline, former back up dancer and Britney’s baby's daddy, has been unemployed since marrying the pop songstress. But now he’s making his partying pay off. He was reportedly paid $20,000 to spend 90 minutes in the VIP section of Vision Nightclub and Lounge in Atlanta. Surprisingly, Kevin did not exactly go that extra mile to please. Star reports that the aspiring rapper arrived late and left earlier than scheduled.

To Watercooler, the most frightening tabloid story this week is a retrospective in Us Weekly on the TomKat love story that makes us all so uncomfortable. The pictorial timeline shows key moments of their relationship: the “sofa shenanigans” on "Oprah" last May, Tom holding back Katie’s hair as she blew out her birthday candles in December, and a very pregnant Katie walking with a stocking-capped Cruise. In case you’d forgotten a single moment of this oh-so-strange romance, it’s immortalized forever in the Us Weekly pages. See, the celebrity tabloids do provide public service journalism.

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