Over Lunch, At the Bar, and Over the Cubicle Wall

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Tabloids report: A young Los Angeles couple seems to have parted ways.
The celebrity magazines are splashing around in their warm new tsunami now that they have been proven right, at long last, about Nick and Jessica’s split. Never mind that they have reported the couple’s imminent breakup on and off for well over a year. And please disregard Celebrity Living and Star’s recent reports that the couple was back on track with a baby on the way.

This week the pack all agreed on one thing: Mr. Lachey was not in the driver’s seat. Bauer Publishing’s Life & Style Weekly, for example, promises to explain “Why Jess said ENOUGH!” American Media’s Star spills “exclusive news” on “WHY JESSICA DUMPED NICK!”

But really, what’s yesterday’s news worth in this business? The magazines are ready to move the story forward.

Wenner Media’s Us Weekly, which won the contest to report their breakup when it was in fact approaching reality, now wants to know “WHO WAS CHEATING?” Star promises more: “HER OTHER MAN! HIS OTHER WOMEN!”

“PLUS,” wonders the cover of Bauer’s In Touch Weekly, “Is Nick Seeing Jessica Biel?” (Shockingly, the articles inside don’t deliver an answer.) “PLUS,” adds Life & Style, “how they’ll split the money.”

But in this season of plenty for the glossy celebrity weeklies, let us not forget the newsprint tabloids that helped inspire it all. The latest National Enquirer, also from American Media, does promise “NICK CAUGHT ON WILD NIGHT OUT!” But it devotes the majority of its cover to a montage of famous folks like Condoleezza Rice, Kenny Chesney, Michelle Rodriquez and Jeff Gordon under the headline “WHO’S GAY AND WHO’S NOT!”

We’re sure Nick and Jessica are dying to know.

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