Magazines' Newsstand Slide: The Onion Reports

Let's Hear What the Publication's Imaginary Men and Women on the Street Think

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One of The Onion's pretend people on the street
One of The Onion's pretend people on the street

You know things aren't going well when The Onion decides your problems are well-known enough, and funny enough, to take shots at.

Sorry, magazines.

"Newsstand sales of magazines decreased 9.2% in the first half of 2011," The Onion reports, referring to the latest numbers from the Audit Bureau of Circulations. What do its imaginary men and women on the street think?

"That doesn't necessarily mean readership is down," says one, sounding a lot like a magazine publisher. "In fact, a single copy of People is read by an average of 228 nail-salon customers."

In 2007, David Letterman made the latest newspaper circulation declines into a Top Ten List: "Top Ten Signs Your Newspaper Is In Trouble."

No. 8: "Reporter sent to jail for refusing to divulge a source. ... Oh, and he also killed a dude."

Things have only gotten better since.
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