Including the e-mail that came in last weekend with the subject line "We are certain that we can get you laid." I thought it was, perhaps, a confident note from a blogger in response to last week's column, in which I suggested that a lot of people read the best, most popular blogs in part because keeping up on cultural talking points makes them "more interesting, more attractive... more f***able." But then I actually opened up this e-mail.
You know, it says a lot about this column that it covers many of the same themes as porn spam.
I singled out Gawker in last week's column, prompting its co-editor Jessica Coen to e-mail me, "On the flip side, writing Gawker makes you less f***able. It seems that no one wants to bang a crackmonkey." (The other half of Gawker, Jesse Oxfeld, has remained suspiciously mum.)
Meanwhile, a reader named Catina Acree writes that my bashing of the Tom Ford Vanity Fair cover made her "laugh out loud a few times like a manic dirty person with a blanket at a bus stop." She also added "I think I'm in love with you!," which made me think that perhaps she really is a manic dirty person with a blanket at a bus stop, but it turns out that she works in the marketing department at Capitol Records in Los Angeles.
By the way, judging from my inbox, it seems to me that if there's one consensus that the global community can arrive at in these troubled times, it's that Tom Ford's Vanity Fair cover was unforgiveable. In addition to countless rants from American readers, I got Ford-bashing e-mails from several European cites where American Vanity Fair is available on newsstands.
Speaking of Europe, Rome-based Logan Bentley Lessona, who edits a site called Made-in-Italy.com, referenced this column's ironic obsession with celebrity swag bags, and then expressed disgust at the recent Hollywood awards-season swagfest: "It's such what we here in Italy call a `slap in the face to poverty."'
To me, that sounds like a new reality show. Here's the elevator pitch: Paris Hilton makes fun of poor people! Oh, wait, that show already exists. It's called "The Simple Life," and it just began filming its fourth season last week.
Speaking of simple, I got way too many SMP (Simple Media Pleasure) nominations (which I solicited from readers in my Feb. 13 column). But I'll single out one that came from Boston-based Dick Greenleaf, who is fond of wolfgangsvault.com, online home of the archives of legendary rock promoter Bill Graham. The site recently launched the streaming Internet station Vault Radio, which plays long-lost recordings of live performances by everyone from Bruce Springsteen and Neil Young to Stevie Wonder and The Sex Pistols. Truly astonishing.
Speaking of astonishing long-lost performances, I have no idea why, but last week three different people sent me a grainy YouTube video of an undated medley/duet wherein David Bowie and Cher rock out (go to youtube.com and put "bowie & cher" in the search box). I sent it to my friend and former colleague Kurt Andersen (host of Public Radio International's "Studio 360"), who sums it up thusly: "Bowie doing a kind of Elvis impersonation and Cher with a baroque parody of `70s hair. And `Young Americans'! Amazing."
Speaking of baroque parodies of `70s hair, countless self-described `"SNL' nerds" emailed to point out that it wasn't extravagantly tressed Roseanne Roseannadanna whose catch phrase on early "Saturday Night Live" was "Never mind" (as I wrote in a column two weeks ago); it was Emily Litella. We immediately made that correction to the online version. Within 10 minutes I got an e-mail from a reader that read "It wasn't Emily Litella who said `Never mind.' It was Roseanne Roseannadana."
Now I know how Wikipedia feels.
The confusion is understandable: Both were Gilda Radner creations, and both would appear on "SNL's" "Weekend Update" to natter on endlessly and cluelessly about random stuff.
Which, to come full circle, reminds me of most bloggers-the ones who can't help you get laid.