I now feel compelled to explain why I have failed in my apparent duty as a media consumer. Herewith, the top 10 royal wedding story headlines I haven't clicked on—and the reasons why:
1. "Bridesmaids revealed: Meghan and Harry announce bridal party" (CNN)
Reason I didn't click: don't care.
2. "Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's Wedding Cake Breaks with Centuries of Royal Tradition" (The New Yorker)
Reason I didn't click: more of a cupcake guy than a cake guy.
3. "Prince Harry and Meghan Markle Are Getting Two Commemorative Stamps in Honor of Their Wedding" (People)
Reason I didn't click: don't use stamps.
4. "Meghan Markle and Prince Harry's Wedding Music" (Marie Claire via Yahoo News)
Reason I didn't click: would prefer to sit here in silence.
5. "Meghan Markle will walk down the aisle without her father at royal wedding" (Reuters)
Reason I didn't click: just don't care.
6. "Royal wedding 2018: Meghan sad over dad's wedding absence" (BBC)
Reason I didn't click: still don't care.
7. "Meghan Markle's dad won't be at her wedding and it's actually for the best" (news.com.au)
Reason I didn't click: You don't need to convince me, news.com.au!
8. "Exclusive: Meghan Markle Will Be More Than Just a Wife to Prince Harry" (Us Weekly)
Reason I didn't click: So I was somewhat intrigued—Will she also be his bookie? His neurosurgeon? His CPA? His barista?—but not quite enough to actually click.
9. "Meghan & Harry wedding souvenirs—what's in store" (Chicago Sun Times)
Reason I didn't click: losing the will to live.
10. "British Airways Flight Will Only Carry Crew Named Meghan or Harry on Royal Wedding Day" (OK)
Reason I didn't click: have lost the will to live.