What the Hell is Going On Here?

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That's not a clown at all, but a clone of Gary Busey and the guy from A Flock of Seagulls.

Andrew Lear, andrew_lear@ghgroup.com

A clone of two people? We have no idea what this means, Andy, but as long as it doesn't mention a Teletubby we love it!

It's the sexual by-product of Tammy Faye Baker and Flea.

Joe Robertson, jrobertson@associatedadv.com

Maybe so, but you know Anthony Kiedis had her first.

It's the love child of Carrot Top and Howard Stern's Beetlejuice.

Matthew Talomie, matthew@glovergroup.net

You'd call that a love child? We wouldn't even call that a sexual by-product. Anyway, Carrot Top only has prop sex.

I used to shop at Diesel stores, but now I'm way too petrified to even glance at the window display.

Alexia Bonnici, alexiabonnici@hotmail.com

Girl, you need a confidence builder. Try smoking crack and singing "Pinkle winkle, Tinky Winky" to yourself, over and over. Then just march right into the store and fall down.

It's nice to see Liza Minelli getting work.

Thor Rosenquist, thor@sgrp.com

That's a low blow, Thor. Nobody has the right to talk about Liza With a Zzzzzz like that!

When a paranoiac clown thing chases me down, I can't help but get wetty-wetty . . .

Allison Hickok, hmgallison@aol.com

This must explain how Gene Simmons has managed to bed 4,000 women.

I feel a sense of reassurance knowing that Dick Cheney remains active, and is safely disguised.

Mark Ingraham, mark.ingraham@ungargroup.com

Thanks for letting the cat out of the bag, Mark. Now al Qaeda is gonna get in on it. If you hear Ronald McDonald say "God is great," throw your scalding coffee in his face and call Dubya at 1-800-PRETZEL.

It's nice to see Joan Rivers working on something besides E!

Jason Fox, thefox@jasonfox.net

Just wait till Melissa critiques the outfit. "Cute! Does it have a button flap in the back so you can poop in the street, Ma?"

I applaud Diesel for ads that don't glorify unhealthy body images. The bloated, deviant-clown segment of the population has been overlooked for far too long.

Heather Escudero, h_escudero@andadv.com

Then how do you explain Bill Clinton?

Bigger, plumper, juicier and a whole lot meaner. This time those genetic engineering bastards at Perdue have gone too far.

Morissa Cohen, morissa@excite.com

You can tell from all the outdoorsy ads, though, that this is a free-range chicken. See what you're really getting when you pay extra for poultry, people?

This is Justin Timberlake after he broke up with Britney.

Julia Laricheva, xximportxx@hotmail.com

This is why he broke up with Britney. She's more than a chick but not yet a hen.

We see here why Fox decided to go with When Animals Attack rather than the more controversial When Oompa Loompas Attack.

Tom Peterson, tom@emirus.com

This is a winner, 'cause we know what you mean, Tom. We've seen Oompa Loompas attack, and it gave our wonka a wicked case of the willies. It's like getting molested by Dr. Ruth on a sugar high.

This Month's Contest

Win everything in Calista Flockhart's fridge!

"Redefining style": Deadly dull Skechers pulls the endorsement coup of the year: Robert Downey Jr. Or does it just sort of look like him? If it is Downey, why's he dressed like a junior high science teacher? Why's he standing on a small white bath mat? Why would he wear those drab black Skechers in the first place? Putney your swope at terryk@crain.com. Contest not open to anyone with a "Less Than Zero" tattoo!

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