The Kafka Questionnaire

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Has Casual Friday become too casual?

Not when compared to Nude Tuesday.

What's the next magazine to have a youth-market spinoff and what will the title be?

Hustler Jr.

Would you stand on line for eight hours to see a George Lucas movie?

Gee, I can't decide between that . . . or hiring a drunk farmer to remove my testicles with a rusty pitchfork.

How is a container of Pringles like the human condition?

Lard-filled, fragile and jammed together . . . have you ever stood by the video monitor on a shoot?

What could they do to liven up the Super Bowl Halftime Show?

How about if Shania Twain wrestles Gwen Stefani?

What's the worst package design of all time?

Gene Simmons' codpiece.

Do you own a TiVo and do you skip all the


Yeah, like I'm really going to purchase a machine that is specifically designed to destroy my chosen profession, crush my spirit and render me penniless.

You're pitching the Hanes Edible Boxer Shorts account. What's your tagline?

"Have a cock and a smile."

What's the most preposterous rock tour corporate sponsor and what's the name of the tour?

The Christian Coalition Presents . . . Marilyn Manson.

Name five words Dubya can't pronounce.

Nuclear, Environment, Compassion, Equality, Constitution.

Should fat kids be allowed to sue their parents?

No, but they should be allowed to consume alcohol, since being drunk makes being fat much more tolerable.

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