The Kafka Questionnaire

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Why does Citibank think money doesn't matter?

The rich always say that.

What's the next magazine to have a youth-market spinoff and what will the title be?

Naughty Hello Kitty!

Would you stand on line for eight hours to see a George Lucas movie?

Maybe for the Special Edition IMAX release of Howard the Duck.

What kind of foods would be in an HDTV dinner?

The usual meat, potatoes and veggies, but you need a $1,000 fork, not included, to eat it.

How is a container of Pringles potato chips like the human condition?

When you jump on it, it makes a cool "pop" sound.

What could they do to liven up the Super Bowl halftime show?

Book Tony Hawk's Boom Boom Huck Jam.

Invent the most preposterous corporate name for a sports stadium.

Mrs. Field's Field.

What would Ronald McDonald's name be if he had a sex change?

Rosie O'Donnell.

What's the nastiest thing you ever said to a client?

"That's a great idea."

What's Mr. Clean's real name?

Dirt Boy.

Invent a new nickname for Sean Combs.

X-Lo.

Has shampoo ever given you an orgasm?

No. I faked it.

Does Britney Spears have implants?

I can't say until I touch them.

What's the most preposterous rock tour corporate sponsor and what's the name of the tour?

Live Fast, Die Hard: Ozzy's Viagra Fest 2003.

Ingmar, the irascible Ikea "You're crazy!" Swede, is shopping for a wife. Help him out.

Bjork! Bjork! Bjork!

What product are you waiting to see on a 30-minute infomercial?

The Ron Popeil Home Botox Injection Kit.

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