Actually, we're thirsting for a more sissy stout, like Pabst Pink Prairie Dog.
T.N.T.ers: come up with the next animalistic intoxicant and appropriate ad campaign.
And now for the results of Contest #440: we asked you for the next marketer or ad campaign to smack some life into the sport of tennis and you served these aces:
First Prize: In an erstwhile attempt to appeal to today's "Ameri-can Gladiators" youth market, the United States Tennis Association will institute mandatory uniforms. Traditional white will be emblazoned with ball-sized red targets, each with different point value. Visor shot worth 15 points, stomach shot worth 30 points, and so on. TV spot to introduce the "Aim to Maim" rule changes will feature pros like Andre Agassi frozen in the glare of head-hunting headlights, set to the rock classic, "Love Hurts." James Brown, marketing services manager, Gold Eagle Co., Chicago.
Second Prize: Michael Milken hosts a series of commercials featuring "The World's Most Favorite Racketeers," profiling tennis pros who use a racket to make obscene amounts of money. Adam Callow, intern, Forum Communications, Fargo, N.D.
Third Prize: Four words: The Wonderbra Women's Tour. Jack Huber, proofreader, Kingswood Advertising, Ardmore, Pa.