Having the same alma mater as Lee Majors hasn't stunted your career growth. You're still the big cheeser, cheeser in 1998. But to prove you're more than a one-trick pony, spaghetti-eating orangutan or talking dog, you risk laying a few ostrich eggs. Others eagerly await to assume your court jester's role, but it's not even over when the fat lady slips on a banana peel. Only one thing could trip you up -- one of the gazillion awards conspicuously displayed on your lobby floor.
Pisces: Greg DiNoto
Since your newfound agency is no longer at the same address as your apartment, you don't have to eat, drink and sleep advertising. So how come you still do? It's time to trade in that Porsche for an all-terrain vehicle. Or at least stop and smell the roses at a Korean deli. There's more to life than fame and fortune. Like women. But you already know that.
Taurus: Richard Kirshenbaum
Your latest successes haven't stopped you from striving for a better quality of life for your staff, with amenities like free alcohol and masseuses. There's even rumors of weekends off! Since this is a year of change, will 1998 be when you stop wearing seersucker suits?
Gemini: Helayne Spivak
You're attracted to anything new, and lately that's exactly what's been happening. (Take heart. Walking out of agencies is an aerobic activity!) Maybe the grass isn't always greener on the other side of Madison Avenue. Or maybe after you've been around the block a few times it all starts to look the same. It's time to pick an agency closer to your heart. On Fifth Avenue, near Bergdorf's.
Cancer: Sal DeVito
Your in-your-face style made Giuliani cry. And without an all-caps typeface! With Mercury in retrograde on the 7th, steer clear of headlines over 36-point and all clients with the message "30-70 percent off." You'll see change in '98. And I'm not talking about the kind you get from shopping at Daffy's. Next year finds you flush and finally living down that reputation for putting the "free" in "freelance." Students no longer need a fire extinguisher when presenting ads. Just Kleenex.
Leo: Nat Whitten
With Raj, Carroll and now you leaving WWS to freelance, the door at 96 Morton is revolving more than the planets. As you shed old habits like working 20 hours a day, seven days a week, you'll find more time on your hands (like Christmas Day). Start that rock career you've always wanted. After all, on stage it's OK to scream.
Jerry Della Femina
It's time to move over and let the inevitable take over. Sure, your name is on agencies, restaurants and books. But after consulting the galaxy, we discovered the universe actually revolves around the sun!
Virgo: Gary Goldsmith
The more your career changes, the more your hair remains the same. Neptune is now ruling your planet and Lee Garfinkel is ruling the agency where you work. But, frankly, no one can eclipse you. Especially since you're dressing less like an undertaker and more like a cowboy. It's about time you got in touch with your inner Texan! How about an Orion's belt for that new wardrobe?
Libra: Jane Newman
Born under the zodiac's sign of equilibrium, it's no wonder you're advertising's most well-known account planner. Unfortunately, the first few months of '98 find you off balance. Something you're not used to. Because you require balance to the point of wearing sensible shoes. Being a student of human behavior, you should examine your own. Maybe what you really want to do after you leave Merkley Newman Harty is kick up those one-inch heels and take a walk on the wild side! Or wear frosted nail polish.
Scorpio: Eric McClellan
As a Scorpio, you're naturally obsessive/compulsive. Luckily that quality pays big dividends in advertising. As long as you successfully channel those tendencies into the office. Or virtual office as the case may be. And since your recent success with ABC, you've put the Chiat/Day back into TBWA. And the walls back into 180 Maiden Lane. That's good. Because if things don't move fast enough for you, you're going to need something to climb.
Sagittarius: Donny Deutsch
Your salesmanship skills have been earning you a slew of new business, but you should watch Uranus. Because pride and a slippery pair of Italian loafers always goeth before a fall. And no matter how much mousse you use, the winds of change could still mess up your 'do. Never one to shrink from harsh light, especially when it's connected to a TV camera, remember to apply a suitable SPF as the sun is rising over your third rental house in the Hamptons. You can't be a Young Turk with crow's feet.
1998 finds you branching out in bold new directions. From Franklin Gothic Demi #2 to Franklin Gothic Demi #3!
You seem to be in your own orbit now. I guess it's true. In space no one can hear you scream.
Capricorn: Andy Berlin
In the past six years you've created as many agencies. (And we thought that wall in Germany made the name famous.) As the perennial mover and shaker, it's time to sit this one out, drink a $150 bottle of wine and watch the world go by. It may not be your oyster this year, but at least you can see some from your yacht.
You prefer to align the planets yourself, not to mention color coordinate them. But now that the reins of power have been loosened from your grip, you must relax and let go. Tape a poster of Hanson on your wall. Crooked! Then party like it's 1998! It's time to enjoy the fruits of your labors. Just don't drip any juice on your Paul Stuart suit.