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Message to Maurice: Don't call us and we won't call you. Kevin Roberts, chief executive of Saatchi & Saatchi beer client Lion Nathan, is telling his friends he was not impressed when new business-getter extraordinaire Maurice Saatchi woke him up at 2 a.m. in New Zealand to solicit the Castlemaine XXXX, Tooheys, Swan or Lion beer business. A now wide-awake Mr. Roberts told Maurice in colorful language not to call again-at any hour. A clue for new business seekers: There's a 12-hour time difference between London and Auckland.

Defending New Zealand from Maurice: Chief executive of Saatchi & Saatchi for Australia and New Zealand Peter Cullinane has been exposed as the mystery man in Auckland who registered New Saatchi Agency, the name Maurice Saatchi has been using in London, as a blocking tactic.

Cappuccino in cyberspace: Agencies are checking out ways to promote their clients at London's 3-month-old Cafe Cyberia, a computer-packed cyberspace coffee shop. Not a moment too soon: owners Eva Pascoe and Gene Teare are founding the First International Internet Advertising Festival with Roger Green, publishing director of Internet. To join, contact the cafe's Marian Buckley at marian@easynet.co.uk.

Nudity sells sofas. Bo Ronnberg, creative director at Ronnberg McCann in Stockholm, decided Ikea's ads had too much boring furniture in them. So he is blanketing Sweden in a two-week $1.4 million TV, magazine, outdoor board and subway campaign featuring huge bare buttocks. Sample copyline: "Start with the right end when choosing a sofa."

Sexist semiotics. Amazingly sexist research for a British Telecom ad campaign by research company Semiotic Solutions, a self-described "cultural analyst" of signs and symbols, supposedly finds men aren't comfortable using phones for small talk, while women love to gossip.

Where did our boat go? Sponsors who sank $35 million in Australia's oneAmerica yacht, a hot contender to win the America's Cup race in May, got lots of media exposure-when the boat broke up and sank off San Diego. Endless TV replays prominently displayed the Foster's Lager name emblazoned on the sails as the beer marketer's $8 million investment slowly disappeared beneath the waves. Nuno D'Aquino, chief executive of Foster's Australian brewing arm, Carlton & United Breweries, says he'd prefer to be associated with the winner.M

Deputy Editor/International Laurel Wentz welcomes contributions to GlobalVillage. Correspondent contributing to this report: Geoffrey Lee Martin in Sydney.

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