WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? CIRCLE JERKS

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The prize: An all-day Happy Hour every Friday for the rest of your life -- on us!

The ad: This dangerous intersection for Hennessy.

The verdict: You have nothing to sphere but sphere itself. And stinky Ohio.

This ad is tacked to my office wall. At 10 o'clock, I start knocking back the Hennessy, and by noon I can usually blow both models' noses off with just one shot of my Rosie O'Donnell signature model Koosh ball. Then I sleep through another status meeting.

David Newton

davidn@clinedavis.com

We like this entry, Dave, and we like your work ethic, but since you're already a drunk we can't let you win.

These two freaks of nature walk through life preceded by a bubble, which, unfortunately for them, visibly exposes every thought they ever had.

P.J. Pearl

provadv@gte.net

Dan Quayle has this problem too, but no one's noticed yet.

Breasts! Once you take note of the rather large firm circles, with their degenerate overlapping cleavage, it becomes painfully clear that the words are a dastardly plot to undermine our already shaky morality with subconscious images of those wondrously succulent orbs.

rcluw@aol.com

Already "shaky" morality? You sound like a friggin' total pervert, RC. Anyway, with the dotted curves in the middle, it looks a lot more like implants to us.

Note to guy: No matter how much Hennessy you drink, do not mention to this minky babe that you're into "ceramics" and "cuddling."

Dan Kennedy

dkennedy@mka-nyc.com

Ever see Ghost, Dan? What, pray tell, did Demi Moore, that most minked-out of babes, get off on?

You could hang this ad in bars and use it for a dart board. Given enough beers, you might have fun.

Richard Gerdes

rgerdes@worldnet.att.net

You're right, Rich. We worked our way through a case of Meister Brau (it was payday) while playing darts, and the ad was cool. But by the time we got to beer 13, it started to look like a pair of giant breasts.

Venn diagrams, once the domain of geometry teachers and market analysts, are now popping up everywhere. I colored mine yellow and orange and it turned into a MasterCard logo. Coincidence? Jesus, I need a drink.

Geoff Rogers

geoff@nerveco.com

We got quite a few "priceless" MasterCard comparisons, but you're the only one who admitted to needing a drink, Geoff. Come over to O'Malley's on 48th Street, we're playing darts with Rich.

Drink enough, and samba dancing while slathered in ranch dressing doesn't sound too bad . . . until you wake up sticky and slimy, with an aversion to carrot sticks and the cha-cha.

Kelly Bird

kbird@wattroop.com

We don't like carrot sticks and the cha-cha either, Kelly. We're into ceramics and cuddling. You have any mink to go with those feathers?

The G in Guatemala = the G spot; the O in Ohio = the big Orgasm; the F in France = well, you get the idea . . .

Cindy Lieberman

cindy@kayeco.com

Whew! Is it hot in here, or what?! Cindy, do you play darts?

It means if you drink the special potion from her shoulder, you'll wake up the next morning to find out she's left you in Ohio with nothing but a toothbrush.

Katey Carson

kcarson@gerberadv-pr.com

We're really amped by all the new women playing this month! Come to O'Malley's, Katey, and bring a toothbrush.

This couple has nothing in common, but as long as they stay pickled in Hennessy they will be able to get through the long days of kung fu movies and samba dancing.

Alec Clarke

alec_clark@qvc.com

Plenty of ranch dressing will help with the samba dancing, and just 'cause you work at QVC, Alec, doesn't mean it's OK to have a doll collection.

Looks like a chronic case of "ring around the face" to me.

Sharon Szymczak

sszymczak@dmconline.com

So drink a glass of Wisky. Ha, ha. Seriously, Sharon, please leave us a voicemail. We have an office pool going on the pronunciation of your last name.

This was supposed to be a scratch and sniff ad, but no one would volunteer to smell Ohio.

Jason Jordan

jason@littlefieldadvertising.com

We suspect that several of our new players have not only smelled Ohio, they've inhaled it.

If kung fu movies and toothbrushes are "appropriately complex," I'd like to see what these folks think is "inappropriately complex."

Eva Finn

eva.finn@ingrammicro.com

Smelling Ohio, and doing anything Cindy likes to do.

What is he looking at? Four semesters of psychology tell me that he's gazing lovingly at the shaft of that bottle, thinking of drizzling it with ranch dressing and putting it where the sun doesn't shine, even in Guatemala.

Charlene DePrizio

ramones1234@yahoo.com

Hooo-weeee! Another one! Congratulations, Charlene, you win for having an even filthier mind than Cindy. You probably attend Ohio State, in which case you're already sedated all day Friday, so we're keeping your prize, since it'd be wasted on a homeless man. Friday is Dress Down Day here, so we'll just change it to Fall Down Day, no one'll notice.

This Month's Contest

Win a free 30-year supply of yellow legal pads!

Lisa Mushinski of Saugus, Calif., writes a letter to S.C. Johnson: "On my way to work, I spilled coffee on my shirt. I was very upset because I didn't have time to go home and change. I used Shout Wipes and the stain was gone. Now I keep a few in my purse, in my car, everywhere." This raises several troubling points. 1) How come she's allowed to wear a ratty denim shirt to work? 2) Since she wears a ratty denim shirt to work, what's the big deal if there's a coffee stain on it? 3) Since she was obviously in possession of "instant stain treater towelettes" at the time of the spill, why was she upset about it, and why would she consider going home and changing? Give us a rebel yell at creativitymag@sprintmail.com. Contest not open to Polish dry cleaning

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