THE KAFKA QUESTIONNAIRE

By Published on .

Who would you rather go snowboarding with? The Maytag Repairman, Wendy the Snapple Lady or Madge the Manicurist?

I've always dreamed of ending the perfect day on the hill with Madge taking my hand and whispering softly in my ear, "Wanna soak in it?"

What's your favorite jingle?

"Making your dreams come true! Ford Taurus." I have a cousin who's a midget. He bought a Ford Taurus and the next day he was 6-4! He grew three inches during the test drive alone! Proving Ford knows how to touch people both emotionally and physically.

What's your least favorite jingle?

"You'll last a little longer with Big Red." Because I chewed that gum and my girlfriend still didn't see a significant time change.

What is the most creative ad city in America?

Amarillo, Texas. Because if you watch cable TV at three in the morning there, you'll see a lot of our spots. Once.

How much coffee do you drink?

Well, after I throw on my flannel and pop an umbrella, I put on some Pearl Jam and hug a tree. Then after that, I swill a microbrew and head on over to the Aurora bridge for a little suicide contemplation. After that, I'm finally ready to settle down to a nice hot half chai double tall half caff latte.

If you could have just one item in your fridge, what would it be?

Madge.

Is Tommy Hilfiger God?

As a devout Pre-Vatican 7th Day Jewish Hare Krishna, I am offended by this question. There is only one God. And He is Ozzy.

Give us one good use for a Gold Pencil.

Again, Madge.

What's one quality you possess that no one knows about?

Ever since I won a Gold Pencil and licked it, some interesting transformations have occurred. For instance, my pee now has little flecks of real gold in it. It looks just like Goldschlager!

If the Bernbach era was the Golden Age of Advertising, what substance best represents this era?

What's up with all these advertising questions? I thought this was supposed to be all about me?

In this article:
Most Popular