To navigate these often agitated waters takes more than just Herculean portions of perserverance, passion and perspective. It takes a subscription to Cosmo (or Sassy, for you junior creatives).
To ensure your workaday version of, "Honey, I'm home!" is still met with the creative equivalent of slippers and a newspaper, take the following quiz inspired by the magazine known for informative articles like "Demand Your Own Orgasm" and "What His Underwear Says About Him." Your total score should help you determine if what goes on between the sheets of layout paper is a longterm relationship or just a weeklong freelance gig.
How do I know my partner and I are compatible?
Let's face it. Not every relationship will be a Fred and Ginger (Gen-X equivalent: Kurt and Courtney before detox and suicide.) So don't go looking for it, or you're likely to be disappointed. Be patient. Finding your perfect mate takes time. But, like all good things, it's worth it. Actually, it's worth about 15 percent-to headhunters. (Average finder's fee based on partner's salary). So before you walk down the aisle of Alice Tully Hall to collect a Pencil or two, let's see if the two of you will even make it down the hallway of your agency.
1. How do you and your partner work together?
a) We always concept together and often come up with ideas simultaneously.
b) Only when my partner's in the mood.
c) Not well. My partner usually has a headache.
d) We don't.
2. How often do you concept together?
a) Every day, even on the weekends.
b) A couple of times a week.
c) Only after a big fight.
d) Almost never.
3. How would you best describe your working relationship?
a) I don't know where my partner's ideas start and mine end.
b) Like Johnnie Carson and Ed McMahon.
c) Like Erik and Lyle Menendez.
d) Like John and Lorena Bobbitt.
4. Which pop culture phenom best describes the personality profile of your partner?
a) Ted Danson
b) Ted Knight
c) Ted Kaczynski
d) Ted Ruxpin
5. Besides advertising, what career would best suit your partner's personality?
b) Letter carrier
d) Postal worker
Can we go the distance?
Like to the stage at the One Show, for instance. You may think you've found your perfect mate, but let's see how long the honeymoon will last. According to statistics, 75 percent of all partnerships end up at the headhunter's table arguing over custody of the ideas. The odds are against you. But, then again, they were also against O.J., and he just toured England. So, roll the dice and see what comes up. With luck, it won't be your lunch.
1. When you start work in the morning, your partner:
a) Celebrates the moment with General Foods International Coffee (Swiss Mocha).
b) Talks about the night before with all those "cool people from K&B."
c) Talks about how he needs his space.
d) Doesn't show up till the afternoon.
2. If you come up with a great headline, your partner:
a) Exclaims, "Great headline!" (the West Coast translation: "Duuuuude!")
b) Suggests using a David Carson typeface so no one can read it.
c) Asserts that, "Headlines are passe. How about haiku?"
d) Admits, "I can't read. Let's just cut up some paper and make a pretty design."
3. If your partner comes up with an idea you don't think is great, you:
a) Gently offer suggestions that are mutually satisfying.
b) Fake it and say, "That was great!"
c) Announce loudly, "It happens to everyone. Let's try again in a few hours."
d) Forget about your partner and come up with something that pleases you.
4. If you suggest doing a freelance project together, your partner wants to:
a) Work on a multimedia campaign.
b) Work on a small-space newspaper ad.
c) Work on a classified ad for a new partner.
d) Work on your obituary.
5. When you see each other at an advertising function, your partner remarks the next day:
a) "I had a really good time with you last night."
b) "Those people from Deutsch are so happening."
c) "You owe me money for drinks."
d) "Were you there?"
How can I trust my partner?
"How will I know if he really loves me?" It's the age-old question that has perplexed human beings for centuries, and it unfortunately sky-rocketed Whitney Houston to the top of the charts.
1. While looking at the latest CA or One Show book, your partner:
a) Remarks dreamily, "These ads
suck. Next year our names are going to be in here."
b) Gazes longingly and mumbles about someone's "tightly kerned" body copy or "ballsy" headline.
c) Reluctantly returns it with the pages stuck together.
d) Whistles "Matchmaker" from "Fiddler on the Roof."
2. When presenting ideas to your creative director, your partner refers to them as:
a) "Our babies."
b) His, if the CD likes them; yours, if not.
c) "Ideas I had my partner draw/type up."
d) You wouldn't know. Ideas are presented when you're not around.
3. You suspect your partner's been talking to a headhunter. After a confrontation, your partner:
a) Says, "I was doing it for the both of us."
b) Hastily explains the headhunter "is just a friend."
c) Shrugs it off; "It meant nothing to me. I did it for my ego."
d) Says, "Stop being so paranoid. By the way, how cold does it get in Minneapolis?"
4. If you both win an award, your partner:
a) Squeezes your hand when your names are called and whispers, "You're the wind beneath my wings."
b) Takes a shortcut to the stage and grabs the award before you can.
c) Fondles it continuously at the awards party, making comments about his "huge" talent.
d) Uses it to make obscene gestures at you.
OK, total up your score to see whether you and your partner were meant for each other. For every a), give yourself three points; for every b), two points; a c) is worth one; a d) is zip.
If you scored over 40: Your partner actually carries wallet-sized laminated versions of your first ads together. Thirty to 40: You'll be lucky if you're looking at the October CA together. Twenty to 30: Your partnership should last about as long as the One Show cocktail party. Below 20: The only chemistry between you two is a formula found in Jack Kevorkian's van.
What to do if you've met the Sweet P
Mix it up a bit to keep things fresh:
a) Order from a different all-night deli.
b) Try new positions; if you usually work in your office, work in your partner's.
c) Work Saturday instead of Sunday.
d) Wear your baseball cap forward.
What to do if you haven't
Try this visualization technique to boost your self esteem:
a) Visualize yourself looking great in a new hairstyle and evening wear.
b) Visualize yourself like that at an awards show with all your friends.
c) Visualize yourself winning an award and being congratulated by all your peers.
d) Visualize yourself in the limo that is driving you to the party afterward, as