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Food for thought: There's a line of hot sauces called Blair's Death, OK? There's Original Death Sauce, After Death Sauce, Muerte Sauce, Jalapeno Death Sauce, Sudden Death Sauce - and the sauce they claim is the "hottest ever created" is called Possible Side Effects.

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We were stunned to learn that Taco Bell, in possibly the most fatuous marketing stunt in the history of the space age, was offering everyone in America a free taco if the Mir space station hit a tiny target in the Pacific upon re-entry. It didn't, of course. But little-known on these shores, and even more amazing, was the news that Russian fast food chain Blini Bell was offering everyone in Russia a free blini if the Mir landed on Chechnya.

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Make mine MDMmmmmmA! Great news for all you sweaty, love-everyone ravers! Ecstasy is obsolete, people. It's been replaced by the perfectly legal Balance Gold Caramel Nut Blast bar. So just get yourself a handy 24-pack and dance the night away like a techno fool. Coming soon from Balance in this thoughtful new drug-replacement snack series: Peanut Butter Smackups; the Choco-Crank Hyper Chew; and the Barb Carb Coconut Cooldown for that mellow morning-after head.

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Since everyone in the world is apparently going to be in a milk mustache ad eventually, we guess it was only a matter of time before they got to Moohammad Ali. So what if his daughter had to hold his head steady? Sting like a butterfly, shill for a fee.

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