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We just found this ad -- but the wonderful thing is it was in a magazine a few months old, pre-Starr Report. The cigar even comes in a Churchill. And a Robusto. And a Double Corona. When you smoke 'em, just be sure to keep the humidor lid open partway.

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What if this happened to your dog? An urgent appeal from People for the Ethical Treatment of Basset Hounds: Poor Floppy is pinned to the couch by Dennis Miller, as the part-time social critic rolls over for another easy 10/10/220 bone. Your contributions are urgently needed to save America's defenseless short-legged canines from dreaded Shill Splints Disease. Call 1-800-MENACE, operators are standing by. Thank you.

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A Special Show Me the Bubbles Award to a gratingly effervescent Cuba Gooding Jr., who takes over a planeload of skydivers in midair for Pepsi One -- not to be confused with Air Force One. Frankly, we'd rather be hijacked to Cuba than

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