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Quick Cut

We just found this ad -- but the wonderful thing is it was in a magazine a few months old, pre-Starr Report. The cigar even comes in a Churchill. And a Robusto. And a Double Corona. When you smoke 'em, just be sure to keep the humidor lid open partway.

Quick Cut

What if this happened to your dog? An urgent appeal from People for the Ethical Treatment of Basset Hounds: Poor Floppy is pinned to the couch by Dennis Miller, as the part-time social critic rolls over for another easy 10/10/220 bone. Your contributions are urgently needed to save America's defenseless short-legged canines from dreaded Shill Splints Disease. Call 1-800-MENACE, operators are standing by. Thank you.

Quick Cut

A Special Show Me the Bubbles Award to a gratingly effervescent Cuba Gooding Jr., who takes over a planeload of skydivers in midair for Pepsi One -- not to be confused with Air Force One. Frankly, we'd rather be hijacked to Cuba than

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