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The year is far from over, but we already have an easy winner in the 2001 Nonnies, more formally known as the Golden Non Sequitur Awards: sturdy, dependable Hormel Foods Corp. Check out the copy on some ads and see how the big boys do it. 1) "Reunion day. It's a day for the backyard. A day for favorite cousins. And a day for Hormel Always Tender lemon & garlic pork loin filet." 2) "Vacation day. It's a day for swim trunks. A day for the deep end. And a day for Hormel pepperoni." 3) "Graduation day. It's a day to look back. A day to look forward. And a day for Hormel Cure 81 ham." There's only one way to top writing like this, and that's with a tagline that bores into your medulla like a titanium drill bit: "Today's flavor."

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Just this morning we were saying to ourselves, "If only they made a spicy noodle product that would also clear out our colon like a Roto-Rooter enema," and lo and behold there on a reel was the new TV campaign for Vindaloo Super Noodles, from London hot shop Mother. Guys fighting to get to the toilet, guys screaming on the toilet . . . the `loo' in Vindaloo is even represented by a toilet! Serve us up a bowl right away, mighty package goods pooh-bahs of the U.K.!

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For a protein supplement called Isopure: "Milk can cause cramps. Milk can cause nausea, flatulence, bloating and diarrhea. Milk can make you sick to your stomach." Thank you, Isopure. Now, is it too much to ask that every last "Milk Mustache" shill gets these simple words as a nice, big butt tattoo?

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This Salon Selectives ad, in which a woman gets her hair styling inspiration from a martini, is headlined "See it. Do it." We like an ad that takes its own advice. This one is clearly derivative of the long-running Skyy vodka campaign.

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