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Quick Cuts

Published on .

Quick Cut

Women! Beware of the iPix man! He loves 'em, he leaves 'em and he uses no-frills condoms. As you can see (below), he's already left one unwanted child in his wake. This kid's poor mother is gonna have a fortune in custom eyewear bills on her hands.

Quick Cut

Here's a full-page ad in The Wall Street Journal for a Website called Icollec-tor.com. Headline: "Now you can search the world's auction houses, you're bound to find it." Hey, Icollector: Why don't you collect an eye or two to read your headlines with? Or hire the iPix man as your proofreader.

Quick Cut

Faster than a speeding blintz! More powerful than a glass of Manischewitz! Able to leap tall shiksas in a single bound! It's Supermensch! Actually, it's just one of those whiny 'tolerance' ads, from an organization called Aish Hatorah. The copy: "Words can hurt. So much so that it's against Jewish law to speak negatively of others. In Hebrew, this derogatory speech is called Loshon Hora . . ." Well, at the risk of committing a Mosaic misdemeanor, as soon as this schmendrick runs out of bullets we're going to dance the Loshon Hora all over his head.

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