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If you needed any further proof that videogames beat the bejesus out of reality, just look at what happened to Lara Croft when she was translated into the analog flesh for a ZDNet spot. Whatsamatta, freakin' Kate Moss wasn't available?

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Super: "A message from the Partnership for a Drugged Wee America." FedEx man: "Hey, kid. Come over here and suck on this balloon. Yeah, bring your friends, too. Come on, it's a lousy balloon. It's just got helium in it, don't be a wussy. Makes your voice high, that's all, it's cool. Yeah, Leno does it on TV all the time, so you know it's OK. There. Now say something. Hey, isn't that funny? Some more? Sure! What's that? Yeah, I got a tank of this stuff you can buy . . ." Arianna Huffington VO: "Helium. More fun than The Sopranos."

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Used head for sale: Has been in worst commercial on Super Bowl, for . . . sorry, can't recall client. Nivea? Newman's Own? Anyway, make an offer, no product or service too irrelevant. Has own transportation.

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