QUICK CUTS

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Quick Cut

"Roses are red, don't smoke in bed." Yup. And violets are blue, what the hell is the matter with you?

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Yeah, Mr. Whipple's back, all right, but cheapass Charmin couldn't buy him a van or even supplement his piddling social security with food stamps. The guy's 82 years old, he's driving around selling four-packs of "pillowy" toilet paper out of his trunk. Good thing it's so damn pillowy, 'cause he lives in that junk heap and he's using a four-pack for a freakin' pillow.

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Someday they'll have his 'n' hers hernias: Best Knee to the Groin in a Gardening Web Site Commercial goes to Garden.com for "Flower Pickin'." Guy pulls flower from gal's front yard just before ringing her doorbell for a date. She opens door, surveys damage, then purveys damage. Ding-dong!

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We'll have the runny egg and rubber sausage combo with a side order of sensitivity training, please: We're afraid Denny's is at it again. In a new breakfast spot, a rooster struts his stuff for a barnyard of lovesick hens.

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