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Published on .

Quick Cut

"Roses are red, don't smoke in bed." Yup. And violets are blue, what the hell is the matter with you?

Quick Cut

Yeah, Mr. Whipple's back, all right, but cheapass Charmin couldn't buy him a van or even supplement his piddling social security with food stamps. The guy's 82 years old, he's driving around selling four-packs of "pillowy" toilet paper out of his trunk. Good thing it's so damn pillowy, 'cause he lives in that junk heap and he's using a four-pack for a freakin' pillow.

Quick Cut

Someday they'll have his 'n' hers hernias: Best Knee to the Groin in a Gardening Web Site Commercial goes to Garden.com for "Flower Pickin'." Guy pulls flower from gal's front yard just before ringing her doorbell for a date. She opens door, surveys damage, then purveys damage. Ding-dong!

Quick Cut

We'll have the runny egg and rubber sausage combo with a side order of sensitivity training, please: We're afraid Denny's is at it again. In a new breakfast spot, a rooster struts his stuff for a barnyard of lovesick hens.

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