QUICK CUTS

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Best Blowhard Name for a Sports Drink goes to Gatorade's Fierce Lime. We've tried the product. It's about as fierce as Richard Simmons on Ecstasy. The only reason this guy in the ad is so PO'd is someone just tossed a cup of the green watery stuff in his face.

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We found these Jensen and Ericsson ads mere pages apart in a recent issue of Rolling Stone, but the coincidence just starts there. The fact is these two models are married and they just had their first child: Little Rand McNally weighed 14 ounces and was 6 inches long. He has his father's creases and he never cries when you fold him.

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Best Use of a Hot Fitness Chick in a Commercial for A Company We Never Heard of and Don't Understand goes to Aon, a corporate insurance buyer or something. Aon, now that you're spending big bucks on TV, why not star Gabrielle Reece in a 30-minute infomercial? It's summer! Time for bikini coverage!

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What's next, Helen Gurley Brown eggs? We finally get revenge for the Spice Girls: Cosmopolitan now has its logo on yogurt and cheese products in the U.K.

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Most Disgusting Use of an Old Lady With Tongue and Eyebrow Piercings goes to DriveBudget.com, an online car-rental service. Yes, there's a first time for everything and, we can only pray, a last time for this ad -- yesterday.

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No, this is not Jesse Ventura's grandson, it's the fully poseable Bobby the Little Biker Baby. The Franklin Mint finally got its act together and gave us rad doll collectors something kickass to put on the mantelpiece. Coming soon: Bobby's old lady, Judy the Junior Junkie. Spoon and syringe included!

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S'Awright! We're sure you're as bummed as we are over the untimely death in April of Senor Wences at the age of 103. But don't knuckle under. His grandson, Johnny Jr., is continuing the family business in an ongoing campaign for Taco Bueno. The little dude doesn't blow smoke rings like grandpa yet, but he thumb wrestles like a champ.

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This month's Most Trivial and Pseudo-psychedelic Misuse of a Hendrix Original goes to Reebok's "Get DMXperienced" campaign. Reebok, the friggin' shoe's called DMX. Couldn't you buy a rap track from that thug called DMX and leave classic

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