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Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a disgust it is. Now here's a great idea: That charming, fun couple, James Carville and Mary Matalin, whining about heartburn for Alka-Seltzer. The very sight of them sent us running to the blender for a Pepto-Bismol smoothie.Quick Cut

Best Use of a Sideshow Freak In An Ad That Touts "Unprecedented Control Over All Your Server-Bound IP Traffic" goes to Alteon Networks. Forget the NASA O-ring in his ear. This man has four nails apparently hammered through his head from the inside. The fine print insists this is "for real, no Photoshop." We just hoped they rubbed some Kai's Photosoap on the puncture wounds.

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"Revolutionary" Product of the Century: Kleenex Cottonelle Flushable Moist Wipes! Baby wipes for adults, and it's about time! As the copy says, " . . . you'll feel so clean and fresh, you'll want to tell all your friends." We did, and now no one will talk to us anymore. The tag: "Feeling cleaner is the bottom

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