So DMB&B/Detroit has Edvard Munch's screamer (Figs. 1, 2) mellowing out at the wheel of a Pontiac Sunfire. How long before Les Demoiselles d'Avignon pile into a BMW 740i, Mona Lisa is chauffeuring Donald Sutherland in a Volvo 850R and Grant Wood's American Gothic couple are loading pitchforks in the back of their Toyota Tacoma pickup? But a major problem with the Sunfire screamer was pointed out by one Douglas John Uptmor last month on alt.tv.commercials: ". . . if they were going to appropriate this work, they should have shown an understanding of the painting within the ad. As the landscape around the screamer externally represents his internal angst, it should have changed when the screamer began enjoying himself. Hell, the screamer himself should have morphed into a suitably pretty, vacant individual-say Patrick Muldoon, of Melrose fame, or Keanu Reeves." Excellent point, Doug, but Keanu turned down the part, he couldn't master the accent. The fourth annual New York Digital Salon Computer Art & Design Show got underway at the School of Visual Arts last month, and among the myriad digital offerings is a Net-Works: Artists' Works for the Web section that can be seen at www.sva.edu. Well, what's the first Net-Work on the click list but V-Chip Culture, by Colin Ives, which features yet another image of a guy with big eyes (Fig. 3)-now they've invaded cyberspace! (see last month's QC). And don't miss Sonya Rapoport's The Transgenic Bagel (Fig.4), a parody of "the recombinant gene-splicing theme," as she explains in the show catalog. We'll have that chromosome with a schmear. This wondrous nubbin (Fig. 5) is a Mamma Tortelloni, as seen in a new print campaign from BBDO/Vancouver, tagged "Molto bene. Molto bigga." Tortellonis, unlike tortellinis, are huge, explains art director Sue Boivin. And they get even bigger when you cook 'em. And they particularly appeal to men, and they're sold in a magazine called Sports Only. Hence headlines like, "Take it from a woman, bigger is better," and the tortelloni shown actual size, with body copy that opens, "An impressive two and a half inches when brought to a boil." "Some people see a little nose or a little hat, but most see the phallic thing," says Boivin, who teamed with writer Katie Barni. There is no plan to rename the product Testosteroni. Web Site of the Month: Thanks to Internet World for alerting us to www.coldsores.com. Yes, it's the Viractin Cold Sores and Fever Blister Treatment site (Fig. 6), which opens with this gripping copy: "That person is staring at my lip . . . or at least it seems that way. When you have a cold sore, it feels like the whole world is looking at the throbbing blister on your mouth." Our favorite page by far is the Six Stages of a Cold Sore. Our favorite stage: Ulcer/Soft Crust (Fig. 7)-"full-blown sore prior to scab formation, generally the most painful part of a cold sore." Please, men, do not attempt to eat a tortelloni when you have one of these. Graphic novelist Howard Cruse, acclaimed creator of Stuck Rubber Baby (Fig. 8), which won the 1996 Eisner Award for Best Graphic Album, will rejoin the faculty at the School of Visual Arts next month to resume a teaching career that he put on hold in 1990, during which time he was stuck with the Rubber Baby. For those unfamiliar with Cruse's approach to the graphic novel, this is not the usual cyberninja stuff; Stuck Rubber Baby is a sociopoliticized tale of a young man's coming out and coming of age in the 1960s, with an introduction by Tony Kushner of Angels in America fame. Cruse's SVA course, Exploring Options in Comic Book Characterization and Storytelling, will be "more about thinking than drawing," he says. "I expect to bring a lot of new skills and war stories to the table."
And you wonder why tourists get killed driving out of the airport: "The haircuts alone are reason enough to waste them." (Fig. 9) "Good guys. Bad guys. All these freaks deserve to be capped." (Fig. 10) These are authentic headlines from a new print campaign for Speedwell targets from The Zimmerman Agency of Tallahassee. These Speedwell targets don't have silhouettes or bull's-eyes on them, no way. "We make our targets good and ugly so you have no problem blasting the crap out of them," as a piece of body copy informs us. "Paper perps don't plead insanity and they never get off on technicalities," says another ad. We also like the Hemingwayesque prose of writer Nick Vagott (he teamed with art director Mark Limbach), who has a pretty Hem- ingwayesque name, too, in his letter that accompanied the submission: "We made these ads for Speedwell targets. We were going after a younger, hipper audience. Trying to position going to a shooting range as a retro cool thing to do. Like bowling." Yeah, we saw that film. Last