NO SUBSTITUTES; CHECKING FOR VITALE SIGNS

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Contest #420: No gossipy inside-dope on the movers and shakers. Just a keen eye for the latest marketing and cultural trends, delivered with a wink and a smile. That's genuine T.N.T. Yes, we too have caught the authenticity bug, evident elsewhere in recent ads for ("genuine") Chevrolet, Dockers ("Authentic") and ("the one and only") Wonderbra. We're waiting for the inevitable "Original Xerox" campaign. We want the real deal, T.N.Ters: come up with the next marketer to create a "genuine" ad effort.

And now for the results of Contest #416: We asked you for the next ad campaign to feature hyperactive hoop analyst Dick Vitale and, baby, did you dunk us with these diaper dandies:

First Prize: Dick Vitale for V-8. "V-8, it's `V' for `Vivacious!' `V' as in `Vital'-with or without the `e,' Baby! Better than a super-duper dunker-oo! Numerous nutrients in each gulp that make you a real go-getter! That's right, a rock 'n' rollin', rippin' refreshment that puts more bounce in your step than a no-look, game-winnin', show-stoppin', hand-clappin', slammer-jammer dunk in overtime of the NC double A finals, baby!" Tres McCullough, legal assistant, Simpson Thacher & Bartlett, New York.

Second Prize: Dickie V for Depends. "It's March Madness, Baby! And you know what that means-hoops, hoops and more hoops. And the last thing Dickie V wants to do is take a PT-potty time-out! That's why I wear Depends! With the comfort and security of Depends undergarments I can enjoy hours of hoopla without interruption. So take it from Dickie V ... Depends, they're my `diaper dandies."' Gil Caedo, copywriter, Swingster Co., Kansas City, Mo.

Third Prize: He screams, he shouts, he mucks about and boy, can he sell Ice beer from Miller! "Ice, Ice, Baby!" he tells the unsuspecting bartender who wants to suggest a more mundane brew. Mark Moylan, writer, Moylan & Co. Dearborn, Mich.

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