Doin's: Remember that other N.C. movie, Bull Durham? We like it a far sight better than those damn dueling banjos. Stand on the plate where Kevin Costner homered and, just like him, hit the bull and win a free steak. (Durham Bulls Ballpark: 919-956-2855)
Attend a Nascar event and see 40,000 drunk, screaming rednecks find true joy watching very expensive car wrecks. First-timers always rush for the front row seats; always get 'em, too. Rather than elaborate on why that is, I'll just ask: Do the words double whammy mean anything to you?
Too tame? There's always cow tipping. Macho city boys really seem to get a kick out of it. The basic concept: Charge a sleeping cow, fast as you can and hard enough to knock her down. Now turn and run the other way as you realize that Bessie is now wide awake, a lot bigger'n you and pissed. Make it back over the fence unscathed and you win.Plenty of venues along Highway 54.
For those inquisitive types, there's the world's last surviving Tobacco Museum. Sorry, no smoking in the building. (919-477-5498)
Sippin's: The Local 506. Small club. Great bands. Miller High Lifes for just one buck. (919-942-5506)
The Cave. Must-see dive that actually looks like a cave. Don't be put off by dwellers who appear just a tad too appropriate for their surroundings. If they start gettin' too rowdy, you can always promise to share the secret of fire. Only place I've ever been that serves 24-ounce Buds in cans. (919-968-9308)
Best place for jazz: The Lounge, where one can sip martinis to live music, while surrounded entirely by red velvet wallpaper. Talk about class! (919-286-7441)
For the more frou-frou crowd, there's The West End Wine Bar, with 250 wines on tap, plus any beer you want, as long as it's Pabst Blue Ribbon. (919-967-7599)
Vittlin's: With a client? The Magnolia Grill serves French cuisine at about $50 a head. Which they can get because N.C. ain't got too many other 5-stars. (919-286-3609)
A whole lot less expensive and a whole lot more more authentic North Carolina is pig. BBQ is religion around here, and there's no shortage of churches. The tabernacle, though, is Bullock's BBQ. (919-383-3211)
For late-night munchies, there's Hector's, serving deliciously greasy, everything-on-'em burgers. Conveniently located across the street from the UNC hospital cardiac unit and unconditionally guaranteed to cure the hangover you so richly deserve tomorrow morning. One problem: waits can exceed an hour at 2 a.m. when bars close. (919-942-9420)
And for the starved, there's Cosmic Cantina, with Burritos bigger than your head. (919-286-1875)
See? More to do in North Carolina than Burt Reynolds ever imagined. But bring a bow and arrow, just in case.
Robert Shaw West is creative director at West & Vaughan, Durham, N.C.