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The Crank Club: Accept no substitutes. Johns & Gorman Films has a new Web site, and, in keeping with the company's slightly twisted reputation, the site is slightly twisted. It's called the Crank Club (www.crankclub.com), and the intro explains it's "for those with too much time on their hands and access to free Internet service." Well, it's worth checking out even if you're on the usual monthly $19.95 plan. The Crank Club is chock full of weird and useful things: There's a Brain Trust section of invaluable ad industry links; there's a Producer's Source section that is being developed into an international city-by-city production resource guide; there's a Funshit section that features fun things like an homage to Hollywood photographer Phil Stern, as well as L.A. driving tours hosted by Angelyne, the ancient, bleached billboard celebrity; in fact, there's so much here, and it's all so well-designed, our puny 28.8 hasn't been through it all yet.

And it's still growing; many areas (we can't wait to see Vice) are under construction. But a special mention must be made of the Bitching & Rumors section of Ad Hell, where visitors get to make some telling points of their own. How about this from the topic Industry Pricks: "Pytka. At least he's a semi-smart prick. A lot of pricks are just plain stupid. They seem to congregate at ad agencies"-Agency Guy. Or these from I'd Like to Get Into His/Her Pants: "The Johns & Gorman receptionist. Is she a dish or am I out of my mind? Sometimes I call just to hear her voice"-Too Lame. "Sylvia Kahn. Sylvia's pants are hot"-Stuart Morkun. "Sylvia's pants aren't too hot since she seldom wears any. This girl has a great butt"-MMM333.

Sylvia Kahn, for those who aren't J&G aficionados, is Crank Club executive producer and co-head of J&G Interactive, which created the site. You've gotta love a company that sexually harasses itself. Other Crank Club credits to CD Gary Johns and project manager Carlo Caccavale; graphics by Rick Morris Design; animation, technical development and programming by Glenn Morissey of Galisteo Interactive. Sound design by Alan Schlaifer at Chris Bell Music.

But if the aisles are so wide, how are we gonna elbow old ladies? Minneapolis-based Target stores opened its first East Coast doors in March backed by a Kirshenbaum Bond & Partners print/TV campaign that is looking to shock New Yorkers with some of that expansive Midwest hospitality-but to get it, they have to cross the Hudson to, whaddya kiddin' me, New Jersey. Not an easy feat, but Target is reportedly doing quite well in Menlo Park. According to agency associate creative director Brendan Donovan, the focus of the campaign is to emphasize the store-that-has-everything's "high level of service and merchandise, which is quite foreign to New York shoppers. The simplified concept is, 'Target is nice and New York is nasty.' It's a distinct difference, but not a bad one." Hence the tagline, "Are you ready for a store like this?"

Teaser spots, shot in b&w by Jeff Gorman of Johns & Gorman, are what Donovan refers to as a "New York litmus test." They depict very New York characters, including an extremely nasty Eurotrash boutique clerk ("A store with what, with people who are nice? Nice is for idiots. Nice is for sheep. Go somewhere else with your nice, Mr. Tourist Man"), via some quirky casting and real-life footage.

The followup color spots, directed by Allan White of Radical Media, place the stereotypical New York psyche in a Target store, where Manhattanites' hostility is only matched by the cloying civility of the Target staff. Additional credits to exec CD Bill Oberlander; art directors Tom Kuntz, Hope Newman, Jeff Curry and Frank Fusco; copywriters Mike Maguire, Bob Havelena, Tom Christmann, Andrew Van Hook, Jeff Kerrin; producers Liz Graves and Lisa Young; and photographer Stewart

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