The Kafka Questionnaire

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What product could most benefit from subliminal advertising?

Xylophones.

What happens to the Pillsbury Dough Boy if you nuke him?

He stops giggling.

What commercial would "Oops . . . I Did It Again" be a good soundtrack for?

RU-486.

What's the next name for Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place going to be?

Menage-a-Trois and a Little Pie.

If it was still on, what would you be willing to do to end the SAG/AFTRA strike?

Cast William Shatner as a standup beatnik in every single commercial ever made.

Who would you want to star in the story of your life?

Angelina Jolie. I like my brother, too.

What's the most useful character trait for people in the ad business?

Sado-masochism

What TV show would you admit to watching if we held a gun to your head?

Any show you wanted me to (except Win Ben Stein's Money).

If you were going to open your own agency, what snappy name would you give it?

Stay Tuned . . .

Which Sex and the City star do you most identify with?

Samantha. In this industry you get used to bending over.

When's the last time you heard someone say, "I've fallen and I can't get up!"?

Last week on CHiPS.

What new shape would you like to see for a Chia Pet?

Slobodan Milosevic.

How do you feel about ads over urinals?

They're good for target practice.

What's the best food for a creative boost?

EZY-Cheese.

What's the worst food for a creative boost?

Gefilta fish

Where do spokesanimals go when they retire?

Anywhere but Vietnam.

Do you ever brainstorm in the nude?

As a matter of fact, I'm naked right now.

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