What campaign would make a good musical?
Any campaign that uses singing animals.
How about a good drama?
Any campaign that uses talking animals.
Now that they've brought back Mr. Whipple, Mr. Peanut, Buddy Lee and Charlie the Tuna, what other advertising icon should come back, and why?
Every morning the paper boy throws my newspaper into the bushes rather than on the front steps. So I'd like to see Joe Camel come back and lure that little bastard into a life of yellow teeth and emphysema.
What icon should leave, and why?
I think it's time for Little Caesar to throw in his toga. These days he kind of reminds me of the dead guy in the Weekend at Bernie's movies.
Celebrity Death Match: Aunt Jemima vs. Betty Crocker. Who wins?
As they roll around on the mat, Crocker goes to pull Jemima's hair, but instead pulls off the cap on top of her head. What was once a death match becomes an erotic wrestling match, as the sticky, sweet syrup glistens on their heaving chests.
What can you really do with your feet?
Well, I have a toenail fungus that kind of smells like mayonnaise. So If I held my infected toe under the nose of someone who was blindfolded I could trick them into thinking they were smelling mayonnaise.
If you could advertise any product, what would it be?
What are the main differences between New York and San Francisco?
In San Francisco, the people I work with are fit, trim and health conscious. In New York, I worked with people like Eric Silver.
Paper or plastic?
What's your favorite current campaign?