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"You don't have to be a senior to need Senior Moment." Then why not just call it Moment? Whatever - it's billed as "The next generation in memory enhancement," and it "contains a proprietary blend of brain-specific nutrients." Kinda vague, but it sure beats ass-specific nutrients. Anyway, here we see a woman, who is probably not a senior, actually watching a thought escape her. Coming soon for teen potheads with ADD: Junior Half-Moment.

The headline of this Lycos ad: "Meet Anna Kournikova. Win her car. Cross off two life goals from list." Hello, Lycos? Could you get the black lab to dig up a clue? We want to win Anna Kournikova and meet her car. Duh.

Finally! Benetton diapers for that soupcon of avant-toilette chic. "Underwear becomes outerwear with United Colors of Benetton's vibrant range of diapers." Hey, great line. Not quite as catchy as "Sentenced to death," but it'll do. Too bad about the tacky dollar-off coupon, though. But the biggest problem is with the product itself - all the kids who wear them pee rainbows.

"Five jobs. Three cars. Two wives. One dog." The portrait of a Chivas Regal man, huh? Too bad they left out "One foot with the ability to do a toe-spread that's wider than an adult hippo can open its jaws" - a feat that never fails to amaze the one dog.