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Quick Cuts

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Quick Cuts

You've gone way too far, baby: Virginia Slims has really stuck its neck out with the new "Find Your Voice" campaign. They even have the cheek to show a woman palpating her throat. Don't worry, baby, if you can't find your voice, just get one of those cute little larynx buzzers.

Quick Cuts

So why doesn't Andrew Lloyd Webber send over a few road companies of Cats? Most Appalling Sponsor-A-Child Ad, Euro Division, goes to this Christian Children's Fund of Great Britain long-copy spectacular, headlined, "8 year old Sumitra has been working to support her family since the age of two . . ." She "earns a few rupees a day catching rats," we're informed. "It's dirty and dangerous and can lead to terrible infections and disease." Well, on the bright side, Sumitra, you could be working in a Nike sweatshop.

Quick Cut

Now that the 362 residents of Halfway, Ore., have succumbed to the temptations of some Amazon wannabe called Half.com and renamed the town Half.com, Quick Cuts too wants to go all the way. Looking to launch the Web's first e-bris service? How about custom-designed ritual self-scarification kits? Whatever. The important thing is we will change our name to QuickCuts.com and partner with you -- for a mere $1,000 a week! Sorry, that's all we can afford. The opportunity to link up with the leading name in trade mag marginalia will shoot you right to the top of the burgeoning online something-or-other business. Call us at 1-800-NOMODOT today!

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