AD AGES: UDDER DEFEAT FOR CYRIX AD: IS STEVE IN LINE FOR APPLE JOBS?: FETISH FANS, THIS BUD'S FOR YOU: MORE TOYS FROM NISSAN & PORSCHE: 'PASSION' PLAY . . . LORDSHIPS

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Last April, chip maker Cyrix started selling mail-order PCs with an ad that showed its computer crushing a Holstein cow, the mascot of Gateway 2000. "You go after the company with the most to give," John Rizzuti, managing dir. of Texas shop Rizzuti, Beckman & Lyman, explained at the time. Gateway sued, claiming trademark infringement. Cyrix sued back. Now they have settled, with Cyrix agreeing not to use any "Holstein cow, Holstein cow patterns or any Holstein cow related design." Cyrix, meanwhile, has ended its move into PCs and parted with Rizzuti Beckman. Footnote: Gateway will complete its global review in February. PC watchers bet the biz will go to JWT or TBWA Chiat/Day.

Silicon Valley insiders are taking bets on how long till Apple chair/prez/CEO Gil Amelio gets the boot and co-founder Steve Jobs reclaims the top spot. The hypothesis: Gil's comeback plan will flounder, and the board will conclude only Jobs can save the company. This fits Apple's practice of periodic palace coups. Jobs hired John Sculley, and Jobs then found himself on the street. Sculley left in disgrace, replaced by top aide Michael Spindler. Spindler got bounced, replaced a year ago by Amelio, a recently arrived board member. Amelio last month bought Jobs' Next software company and brought in Jobs as part-time adviser.

Picture this: A masked man in leather straitjacket hanging by chains from the ceiling. A bowl of oranges and portrait of Prime Minister John Major nearby. It's an ad by O&M/London for Guinness beer. The ad seems to parody the curious death in 1994 of a Member of Parliament from Major's Conservative Party. The chap was found tied up, wearing stockings, with a bag over his head and an orange in his mouth, a victim it seems of uniquely unsafe sex. The party slammed the ad as "perverted" and "contemptible." Guinness hastily yanked it.

Nissan will try a sequel to its doll-driving "Toys" spot in a :60 at the Super Bowl from TBWA Chiat/Day. Porsche's sexy little Boxster makes its ad debut on Super Bowl Sunday with two humorous spots from Goodby Silverstein (see story on Page 40). In one, a morose teen doesn't get to drive because Mom & Dad hog the wheels. In the other, Porsche compares its craftsmanship to the way out-of-control robots assemble other cars.

FCB promoted John McKee to run creative on ailing Mazda's account. McKee succeeds Neil Sellman, who did Mazda's "Passion" campaign but now will focus on Mattel and Sunkist. . . . Lord Dentsu is now the Lord Group. Will the titled Maurice Saatchi respond by changing his shop's name to Lord Saatchi?

Compiled by Bradley Johnson with news from Alice Z. Cuneo, Keith J. Kelly and Laurel Wentz.

Got an Adage? Tell Brad by phone, (213) 651-3710, ext. 111; fax, (213) 655-8157;