Chris Wall, creative director Ogilvy & Mather

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In May of 2006, alarmed at the astonishing growth in creative talent costs, Omnicom and WPP will secretly and jointly initiate the construction of Consumer City, a brick by brick replica of the Maple Street set of Leave it to Beaver that will be located within driving distance of Mumbai.

There, a carefully selected population of 15,000 Indian orphans under the age of 9 will be fed a steady diet of junk food, carbonated beverages and contemporary American pop culture until the age of 18, when they will be inducted into an institution of higher learning with a curriculum based entirely on scripts from Room 222, Fame, and Welcome Back, Kotter!-which the Culture Consortium (as it will be known) will have acquired the rights to under the guise of staging a series of equity waver plays in Studio City, California.

The students of Consumer City will be inducted into every facet of American culture. They will watch the Super Bowl via satellite feed; they will see American Idol, Survivor XXVII "Baltimore" and every episode of Law & Order, Law & Order SVU, Law & Order Criminal Intent, Law & Order Nasty Icky, Law & Order Kiss My Booty and Law & Order Supernatural Exorcism Car Chases. They will, in short, become American Creative People (ACPs).

In 2020, the first graduating class will be housed in a Loft-like warehouse in an industrial district of Mumbai complete with Starbucks, panini grills and perky, flirty legal secretaries-just like Manhattan-and given the assignment of writing American advertising campaigns that will look, sound and feel like the genuine article. At a cost of 22› per man-hour including room, board and incidentals, the six-figure creative director job as we know it will cease to exist in North America. Meanwhile, the covert conspiracy initiated in 1997 by Interpublic and Wieden + Kennedy to eliminate all body copy and headlines in print advertising will be successful beyond their wildest dreams. In a world where copywriters need never learn how to write and art directors are not required to put any readable copy elements in ad campaigns, the need for creatives with ACS (actual communication skills) will cease to exist. The last known long copy ad for an authentic product will be published in 2005 for Zebco Reels (although, in a historic foot note, at the 2006 One Show, four golds will be given out for four separate long copy campaigns for four separate Japanese atrocity museums in Singapore.)

For a period of seven years commencing in 2021, the virtual elimination of creative talent costs will lead to outrageous profitability for communication holding companies- who, absent talent costs-will continue to charge top dollar for low or no cost labor. In 2028, however, a new piece of procurement software will make it possible for clients to identify consumers who are capable of actually "selling themselves." Customers will write e-mails to themselves explaining why they love the products they buy and urging themselves to buy more which will be sent back to them by gigantic servers that will be housed near Consumer City. "Word of mouth" advertising will be replaced by a new and more effective hybrid: "word of self."

The final creative person in all of advertising will be laid off in September of 2029. The Clio Awards will continue to exist until 2033-however, none of the 4,327 ads recognized with coveted Clio statues will be given for ads that actually ran. Ironically, agencies will continue to exist -however, there will be only two jobs remaining in the agency itself that clients are willing to pay for: Powerpoint operator and focus-group attendee.

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