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A Guide to Help You Stop Talking Like Such a Zune

Media Guy Defines the Terms You'll Need in 2007

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To understand the changing media landscape of 2007, it's important to understand the changing media vocabulary. Because he's such a helpful person, Media Guy has assembled this convenient glossary of must-know terminology.
Name Change: Soon it'll be Google Earth.
Name Change: Soon it'll be Google Earth.

SICK MINUTES or SICK HOURS: Minutes or hours taken off of work when a person comes down with one or more viral videos, the watching of which entirely precludes productivity. Sample usage: "Jim's going to be late for the meeting -- he came down with a viral video and had to take some sick minutes, so he's scrambling to finish his PowerPoint."

VIRAL VIDIOT: Anybody who thinks she or he can be the next Lonelygirl15.

DEATHLY HOLLOW: What publishers other than Scholastic, and authors other than J.K. Rowling, will feel in the pits of their stomachs when "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" goes on sale later this year.

IDOL IDLE: What will happen to TV ratings on other networks -- and lots of other electronic media -- when Fox's "American Idol" starts airing again later this month. Sample usage: "Well, our website traffic's going to be Idol idling Wednesday night from 8 to 10, so maybe that'd be a good time to do the rebuild."

GOOGLE EARTH: An animated mapping service from Google. Also: what the planet Earth will be renamed circa 2009 when Google executives look at their cash balance sheet and decide to make an impulse real-estate buy.

GOOGLE WALLET: What every living human being will use to pay Google Rent to Google Landlord starting in 2009. Sample usage: "Did you hear that Bill Gates is thinking of moving out of his 40,000-square-foot mansion? Google Landlord raised his Google Rent again, and he's not sure he can afford to live there anymore."

HUFFINGTON PEST: Common household pest that's attracted to warm, bright places, such as computers and TV studios.

WIKI: Hawaiian for "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?" See also: user-generated content.

FIREFOXY: What most bloggers aren't. Sample usage: "Is Xeni Jardin from Boing Boing, like, the only Firefoxy blogger in the world?"

ZUNE: Microsoft's new music player. Also [slang]: a poseur; a wannabe. Usage: "Dude, you look like such a Zune in that shirt."

VISTA: Microsoft's new operating system. Also: a scenic view populated with bugs and security holes.

MASH-UP: When one thing that's not good enough on its own joins up with another thing that's not good enough on its own -- and they, like, make out and have babies and stuff. Usage: "Zune should think about doing a mash-up with the new Adam Sandler movie."

MICROSOFT: What Bill Gates feels in his pants when he thinks about Sergey Brin, Larry Page and/or Steve Jobs.

MOORE'S LAW OF OLD MEDIA: If you have a job in old media, you don't actually have a job in old media anymore. Surprise! Especially right before the holidays. Origin: derives from Moore, Ann, the Time Inc. chief who has a habit of laying people off with astonishingly Scroogey timing. See the 27 consumer-marketing people axed the Tuesday before Christmas.

AJAX: Asynchronous Java Script and eXtensible Markup Language. Also: powdered cleanser with bleach that's useful for cleaning the blood stains off the floor at Time Inc.

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E-mail: sdumenco@crain.com
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